Okay, so I've been in a long distance relationship with this girl for almost a year. i've known her for a month longer than the relationship started, and we clicked quickly. I actually never met her before this past winter, but she was a friend of a friend, as it were, so there was a somewhat credible source.
I was not disappointed when i did meet her, and we started getting more physical (not sex yet ,besides one blowjob, though) after a couple days of being together while i was off from work (which is why we're distant from each other). Since then, we've decided and had been wanting to have sex with each other. I also talked to her about wanting to give her oral because i knew it'd please her and i'm real big on giving-- as opposed to recieving-- pleasure. she didn't want to, because she said it was gross, and there's a past occurance from her childhood involving it a little. anyway, not too bad, since it's understandable.
i still asked her if we could at least try, and if she didn't like it i'd immediately stop and never talk about it again. she was back and forth about it, mostly saying no. in spring, i got another amount of time off work, and went home and spent time with her. we did have sex that time, but she wouldn't let me giver her oral still.
now i'm on a business trip overseas, and last month she cheated on me. That, in itself, is not why i'm here, since we decided to work through that. My main issue, though, is that-- even though she wasn't even attracted to him that way-- she not only had sex, but let him give her oral, the first and only time they got together, while i've been working on it for months. i've talked to her about it a little, and she hasn't really given me any concrete reasons or anything, besides the fact that it was good and she orgasmed from it. but she still won't let me give her oral.
we talked about some positions and other things we were going to try our next time we met (i know you're probably thinking we're moving too fast, but let's not go over that please), and we both agreed that 69 looks like a fun position. so, i jokingly said that i'd have to get her over her fear of oral first, before we could do that. still, she said no oral. which is hypocritical to me since 69 requires both people to give oral, or else it's just a silly way to have one person give oral. obviously, this hurts me a good deal, and i've told her this.
so, basically, she won't let me because she says it's gross (not to mention the thing that happened during her childhood), which i don't believe anymore since she received oral from another man while we were still dating, and orgasmed from it. she even thinks a sex position that focuses on oral sex looks fun, but doesn't want to try it with me because she still doesn't want me to give her oral. and we've talked about the fact that her decision really hurts me and makes me feel like she just threw away a gift i wanted to give her to let another man have his selfish pleasures.
my question is, what do you think of this, what real reason(s) would she not let me, and what do you suggest i do?
7 Replies
Chris / Woman / Likes Men / Single
My first thought is was she drunk by any chance from the cheating? If she was drunk that explains why she let it happen. Also if the person she cheated with, was it someone she knew befre? If yes then it could be a trust issue. She trusted the other guy & she hasn't warmed up to you. Girls love to receive but are a lot more self conscious because they don't think it looks pretty, vorlunable, worried if they might smell bad, etc... It takes a girl a lot more trust to let a guy go down. They are more willing to have sex then let a guy go down. For a girl it is a lot more emotional (if sober) so you have to easy into it. If you get to see it then remind her how great it looks & how turned on it makes you. Don't nag but complement. Build her onfidence & just easy into it slowly. Also you ould try kissing her feet working you way up her legs & see if she lets you as you go slowly.
AskMyGF / 22 / Woman / Likes Men / Single
Well, if I get a little personal here, I don't like receiving oral much because it just doesn't do as much for me as other activities do. I also prefer giving as opposed to receiving, like my climax is seeing my partner happy. She may potentially be the same way and only tried something new with this other guy because she was in a different environment. Back in my sex chat days, I did all kinds of things per the request of my clients that I normally didn't venture into. I was playing a role, and maybe she was too.
There is also the chance that she doesn't think you'll be good at it. Sorry, but it's a fact. If we don't like what's going on sexually as a whole, we're not going to be very receiving of new sexual experiences. It's a girl thing.
What should you do? That's tough. You're obviously committed to this girl since you can get over her cheating, so you might just have to get over this too. I know it hurts, but only you can determine how important that hurdle is in the grand scheme of things. If you do decide to work it out, you may look into other fetishes you have. I noticed you answered a question about foot fetishes. Maybe you could put a greater focus on that. You could look into tit fucking, BDSM, role play...the choices are endless.
Troubledguy / Woman / Likes Men / Single
Actually, about the feet thing, I talked to her about that. She's really weirded out by the feet thing, and wouldn't even think of letting me do anything more than give a foot massage. Also, she was completely sober, knew him about as long as she knew me (so she SHOULD have trusted me more, in theory). i've done all i can to tell her i know i'd like it too, and told her that she could get me to stop at any time as long as she actually gave me a chance. as far as the not being good at it thing goes, that could be true... she did admit that he was good at everything they did, and that he was (physically) better than me. not really something i'm surprised about, since i can count the number of times i've had sex on both hands, 4 of them with her, and he's an asshole corn dog who cheats on his girfriend who i'm sure he also has sex with. they typically do good in bed from all that experience, from what i've heard third hand. and i know it feels good to her, since she had an orgasm while he did it. and like i said before, this was more a "for her thing" to me, and i don't know how to, or if i even can, fill the void she made there by betraying it. but i'm trying, and, the way my mind works, i have a need to find out exactly why in order to find the best route for me to do for her what i wanted to. she's unwilling to talk about it, though, and every time we did, she beat around the bush, and gave vague answers. today, she just flat out told me she didn't want to talk about it at all, ever.
Troubledguy / Woman / Likes Men / Single
oh, and to add on to the "he gave her an orgasm while going down on her" part, she's hard to make orgasm, and her last boyfriend, whom she dated for 5 years and had sex with for the last year, only made her orgasm once, and this guy she cheated on me with once. i almost made her come twice total, once during sex and once while fingering her. she had to be extremely aroused for it, and the fingering took a lot of work, while the time when we had sex was the first time, and the longest i lasted (i came shortly before she could, which sucked :\ ) so saying she could've came without really liking it is very implausible.
Booboo / Woman / Likes Men / Single
>>"my question is, what do you think of this,
It matters not a damn bit what we think of it. Sounds fucked up to me.
>>"my question is, what do you think of this,
It matters not a damn bit what we think of it. But sounds fucked up to me.
>>"what real reason(s) would she not let me,
Who the hell knows what goes on in that girl's mind.
>>"and what do you suggest i do?
Listen, she's a lying, cheating head case. C'mon, a 1 year long distance relationship is not much of a relationship. Since your post did not mention how you are so much in love, and she is the only girl who will make you happy, and the thought of living without her by your side makes you suicidal, how much is she really a part of your life? (but she is not by your side, right?) Move on and find someone who will be with you and have sex together.
Monster187 / Woman / Likes Men / Single
SHE'S EITHER LYING TO U IS WHAT I THINK.... OR SOMETIMES PPL LET THEIR INHIBITIONS GO WHEN THEY HAVE A FLING..
Fiddler / 31 / Man / Likes Men / Single
Hi Toubledguy,
Now im no expert but am saying what im saying with my own experience. and i know your post is old but for the benefit of any reader i state my opinion.
Before coming to the part of u going down on her, what strikes to me as important is that you say that she thought somebody else was better.. i think its not about how many times u did it its about how u do it.. how well do u understand her body like what makes her tick.
i am the kind in bed that derives pleasure from feeling the physical signals from her which tells me she loves it and it makes me hard and hold it for longer and honestly it comes from foreplay, and while foreplay start understanding the signals she gives for yes and no from day one. so my advice to u is hold back on the urge to go down on her for now.... explore.. play, know her body and soon u should see that you can get her to enjoy being with you even more i would say once your there then experimenting would come naturally for her.
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