...uation. I have a friend whom I have been attracted to since our earliest years in high school but she was not comfortable with the way she felt around me (she has admitted she was very prudish in high school) ; she has admitted she loves me recently, even though she is married to someone else and not going to cheat on them. I love her as well; I feel like that relationship is the one I never had but should have. In retrospective introspection, I have noted that most of my relationship have looked like her, but they always end on a less than cordial note. How do I overcome that kind of emotional conflict so that it doesn't destroy what may be a promising relationship with another girl? How do I resolve this so it doesn't cost me my best friend?
Conflicted,
Me, Myself, I
14 Replies
Micheal / Man / Likes Women / In a relationship
once you finally have the sex either you or her have been ???fantasizing?? over(due only to the connection of friendship) you will have one of only two relationships. Speaking from experience re: my first love and still best friends of over 25 years. She will trust you more and the only real relationship that remains is that friend you will always have. Be warned tho you will never be the husband. Or even that man you are speaking of in your inquiries on this sire. If you cant accept this then dont read any further cuz my advise will be menaingless for i dont know the whole story of you and her nor the relationship you have. The only times you two will connect is when she needs your shoulder to cry on and or to vent without any emotional baggage from her other 'friends'. If i see what your saying is true...like mine... it doesn't matter how long its been cuz time is meaningless. when you two speak, time doesnt exist. You are talking as tho you spoke to her yeatesday. I will not waste space in linear time debates. You and i know the truth. Just like readers of this do for whom have a heart thats speaks of this fact. Stop thinking inside the caged realities of a hallmark card. True love is forged in the cobalt foundation of friendship. Stop trying to understand it and just hold the only truth that matters....you trust her and she trust you...nobody else will have the connection you two share. The flesh is meaningless. Dont let hallmark cards or the maudlin labels society gives distract you. The movies, tabloids, t.v. and magazines tells us what to think and do with all those hopes and dreams. after you have all the sex you two can stand.... it is the one emotional connection you should never let go of... she is your friend and trusts you to never judge or weigh her down with the emotional weights of the tar that the flesh can become stained with. if you want more then, your relationship isnt the friendship i see and you can tell me i am a babbling idiot and be done. I would NEVER trade my 25 years or the friend i have for any sexual encounter. to quote a woman... "satin sheets are very romantic but what happens when your not in bed" She can get cock anywhere.... you are the one she runs to when she can't depend/trust anyone else. Dont be another hard on banging on her door or calling her for a date.... open your soul...be her confidant.Let her husband be that other man. Be the only person inside her safe room inside her soul. what she needs is this friendship you two will/should ALWAYS have is the one cherished person you will never be ashamed of. And this realtationship will show you how to love the wife you will someday have. And you will know the true meaning of love.
EmotionalN00B · Micheal,
EmotionalN00B · You hit the nail right on the head. Your description fits this relationship to a "T" and your advice makes perfect sense to me.
Adrian / 29 / Man / Likes Women / Single
sad to say, but the saying that best fits ur situation- u can''t have ur cake and eat it too.
EmotionalN00B · I tell myself that, but loving her, hasn't diminished with time apart or distance, and whether I talk to her or not has affected other relationships. I am trying to figure out how to move past these feelings so that it doesn't continue to destroy future relationship.
EmotionalN00B · or lose a friend
Adrian ( Resident A-hole) · 'doesn't continue to destroy future relationship. ' ......'or lose a friend'..... that's what the saying means! you have to choose. both options will hurt you seriously, but it's come down to choose between being friends with this woman and being happy in an emotional relationship.
Adrian ( Resident A-hole) · there is no solution i can see that allows you both! ......unless she leaves her husband to be with you. =/
EmotionalN00B · That is what I am saying, we don't stay in touch, and she looks me up every few years, I have been in relationships that suddenly tanked for no obvious reason as well as those that I was told my heart just wasn't "in it". I devote myself to whomever I am with and wouldn't act on my feelings if I weren't single even if she wanted to. I feel completely different when we do talk or are in each others presence than I do with even my most serous relationship. It is different somehow and that is what makes it so confusing,
EmotionalN00B · Others have come and gone and I get over them easily, but not her. I have often wondered if maybe if we satisfied our feelings they might go away, but I cannot rationalize that feeling.
Adrian ( Resident A-hole) · ok, look, your feelings (and hers) are ALWAYS going to be just that- feelings. unless you two satisfy ur feelings, you'll ALWAYS wonder. but, then i seriously need to ask- if you go years without contact, and she's usually the one who contacts you, and she won't cheat (which i would look down on anyway), then YOU and only YOU are being ridiculously delerious! get over it, man!
EmotionalN00B · It's always about three years; like clockwork
EmotionalN00B · but maybe you are right
Adrian ( Resident A-hole) · i KNOW i am! and if it's like clockwork as u say, then you need to get over it because it doesnt look like she wants anything more than friendship.
Add your reply to EmotionalN00B