After being with one person for 20-something years, it's pretty hard to get back into the dating scene. Divorce takes its toll on a person's energy, happiness, self-esteem, and well-being, and it's hard to convince yourself that you're ready to date again. If you're a divorcee that is looking to get back into the dating scene, take a look at this short back-to-the-dating-scene refresher and follow these guidelines.
Prepare Yourself
You need to prepare yourself to get back into the dating scene. Make sure that you are emotionally ready to get back into the dating scene. This means doing any mental or physical makeovers that you may need, and it means tying loose ends. If you're still in contact with your ex, you should cut him or her off (as much as you can if kids are involved) because if you're holding onto the past, you cannot move onto the future. Get to know yourself again and decide exactly what it is that you're looking for.
Where to Look For a Date
There are a variety of places to look for potential dates. You can stick to the old-fashioned method and try to find someone at a bar. If you go on Yahoo Local you can search for bars that are primarily for a certain age group, race, sexuality, etc. There are also a number of dating websites (i.e. eHarmony.com, Jdate.com, PerfectMatch.com, LavaLife.com, etc.) that match you up with people that seem compatible based on your profile. Sometimes a dating website is a good option to start with because you know that other people on there are looking for dates, so it eliminates the fear of rejection to an extent. There are also Speed-Dating events, Singles-Dances, or other Singles-Events, that you can find out about via internet or newspaper. If you have children then running them around to different activities might give you the opportunity to meet someone, and if not then you might get lucky during simple activities like a class or workout at the gym.
What To Do On the First Date
Before you decide what to do on the first date, figure out what kind of date you are aiming for. If you want a casual date then meeting at a coffee house or a place for lunch is ideal. Since a coffee date generally won't last for more than an hour, it can be a good pre-screening date – you can find out basic information about the person and decide if you want to go out again. Dinner dates are usually more intimate because they are more open-ended. After dinner you can take a walk on the town, have drinks, go dancing, watch a movie, see a play, or even go back to your place.
To Do and Not To Do
First and foremost, leave the gruesome details and the painful memories of your divorce at home. There is nothing less appealing on a date than babbling on about your ex. In addition, it will put a damper on your mood and you want to have fun on the date. If the discussion about your divorce comes up, keep it brief. Do find out about your date's interests and share your own. Find out if your date is adventurous, what kind of music they like, if they enjoy to travel, unique talents, etc. Be attentive and interested in what your date is saying because not only is it flattering to your date, but you may catch onto habits or details that you like (or don't like).
Ultimately, do not be afraid to start dating again. Sometimes the best way to cope with the pain of a breakup is to move on and find someone new. The dating scene will also add the excitement to your life that you might have been missing. Give yourself another chance to find happiness with someone else.
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