when i was 11 i was staying the night with my dad at his friends house and im not sure how to find out if my dads freind raped me considering theses days u can break the hymen in many ways an i dont even remember most of the night i just remember waking up an idk if my mind is playing tricks an causeing mr to freak out but im pretty sure when i woke up he was sleeping next to me so i guess long story short how can i find out if i was raped years ago
13 Replies
Wec4ever / 20 / Man / Likes Transexuals / In a relationship
aww man im sorry sly
AskMyGF / 22 / Woman / Likes Men / Single
You know, I'd love top be able to find this out too. I have odd, disconnected memories from one of my former stepfathers that I'm almost positive did something to me. If he did though, I have repressed the memory, much like you have. I had no hymen when I eventually had sex, which just added to my concern...again, just like you.
The fact is that there is no way to know unless you speak to someone around at the time who would tell you the truth. There is no scientific test to determine past rape, or really much of anything other than your memories. You can't always trust those memories.
For now, do your best to get past the idea. Hopefully nothing happened and nothing will in the future. Don't let it ruin your sex life. If you choose the right partner, he or she will make you see intercourse in a positive light once again.
Andy / 27 / Man / Likes Women / Just looking
Sorry to hear that sly. :-( We're here for you in whatever way we can.
Sly / 16 / Woman / Likes Men / Single
thanx it is hard not knowing if something did happen to my body concidering if something did happen i will not really be sure of it an i hate to think that the way i might of lost my virginity was being raped but i will not let it ruin me an i will mot let it take over my life but i do have one more question should i tell my boyfriend??? or my family
AskMyGF · Yes to both. Tell your boyfriend so he knows why you may be apprehensive about sex. Tell your family so they can provide emotional support.
Adrian ( Resident A-hole) · i agree with heaven's advice. best to tell ur bf just so he can brace himself in the event that he has to cope with any aprehensions that you may have. and best to tell ur family in case they have to help you cope also, or they may be able to help you by providing information.
Sly / 16 / Woman / Likes Men / Single
how do i tell my family tho without them wanting to kill the person that did it...my family is overly protective over me an how do i tell my boyfriend without makin him feel bad for me
Adrian ( Resident A-hole) · the simple'st way to tell your family would be to get the important ones, the ones you don't want to hear from someone else, and once they are gathered you just say something along the lines of "you guy's remember the time when me and dad stayed over at XXXX's house......" and just tell them what you are remembering and that you are extremely curious because you cannot remember certain things at all and you want their input. remember that i said simple NOT easy! ur bf on the other hand....... no matter what u say or do won't make any diference how HE feels. the only thing you can do is reassure him that he is who YOU choose to give urself to first. rape or not, it is your choice now.
Rob / 29 / Man / Likes Women / Single
sorry for both sly and heaven. you cannot really trust dreams and early memories, they are terribly unreliable! But then again, you might have repressed something that really did happen. Some people claim that hypnotizing can bring a clear memory, but that is not proven in any way, shape or form.
as for telling your BF: let him know, but make sure he knows that you don't want him to feel bad, at the same time he might still be and go into "protective" mode very easily.
As for the family: be careful, you might ruin a guys life if nothing happened and you might ruin your family if someone overreacts (or reacts properly considering that someone raped their daughter/sister). Ask around, about the times back then and about the guy. Finally, if your family still has contact. you might want to consider talking to that person, but I am not sure its a good idea to confront you rapist, even years later. Either try to find out what really happened, or try to forget about it and not let it interfere with your life.
Sly / 16 / Woman / Likes Men / Single
maybe i should just try to forget about the guy in general but the thing is on my next birthday my family is gunna take me to the gyno to see if im still indeed a virgin so i can get my car for free but if it comes out an says im not my familys gunna freak so should i tell them then what might of happend or should i say its prolly because of me bein athlethic an hope they fall for it
Rob ( Spaminator) · you only get a car if you are still a virgin!? and they take you to the gyno to proof that? Ok, that is a bit wierd! Hm, if you don't want to go for the entire thing, actually talk to your family about it all and maybe even press charges, I would put it down to the athletic thing. I mean, I really don't know how you feel about the entire thing, but I wouldn't open the entire case just because of a car. If you want to clarify the situation and work through it, yes, but not because of the car.
Sly / 16 / Woman / Likes Men / Single
one thing i was thinkin bout was jus to go ahead an have sex so they never have to find out what happend or might not of happend but in my heart i kno its not the right thing to do an i dont wanna do somethin ima regret jus to keep somethin a secret its either tht or i could jus tell em i fingerd myself or somethin but that would be one ockward convo wit my family an yes my fam is really gunna take me to the gyno so they cn proove im a virgin befor they get me a car.....because no one in my family belives i am
GG / 32 / Woman / Likes Women / Married
Ah Sly i hope you can forget about it. I have a couple of incidents that i have vague memories of, one when i was 4 and the other when i was 23. I used to have nightmares over both. The first one i wish i could remember and there's only one family memeber i can ask what, how, why etc but i don't want to put them through it again. The second made me so ill for a time that i couldn't sleep at night at all for a few months. So i totally understand how you feel and you also Heaven.
If i was you i would tell both your family and bf. They need to understand and help you. You need the support from them to either work it out or get over it. Your parents could just be bluffing to keep you out of harms way as extreme as it may be. If you decide not to tell anyone and they do take you to the Gyno and it is revealed that you don't have a hymen anymore you could always say it must have been broken another way but not through sex. Then get the Gyno to tell them that this is indeed a fact.
Good luck and thinking of you.
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