If your name is not Barney Stinson, you’ve probably had a shyness problem at least once in your life. Then again, you could have that issue no matter who you are. The worst part about dealing with shyness is that the feelings usually happen just when you need to man up to walk towards someone that you like. When that point comes, you probably end up making a 180 degree turn, running away and screaming like an eight year old girl. So how can you avoid this type of situation when talking to a girl?
Learning to observe
You probably sit at the back of the class or conference room because you’re shy as this is often that shy person’s safe haven. Most of the time, people take this place for granted, simply admiring their crush from afar, but you can use that perspective as a tool to get to know her better. You can observe how she talks to people and how others respond to her. Try not to stare or even let her know that you are watching her because most women might find that a little offsetting. Try to figure out her personality while observing from your post. Is she a snob or is she everyone’s friend? How does she react why you shyly pick up the pen that she dropped? Try top pick up on enough clues to let you know if you would ever stand a chance. If you feel that you have even the slightest hope to be with her (and usually there will be slight hope), that’s enough reason to move on to the next step.
Preparing for a confident approach
There’s nothing like a well-laid plan to get your confidence up. This includes gathering “intel” on things that she likes and make a sincere effort to respond to those likings. If you like the same things she does, then you’re already halfway there. Girls love guys who listen, so to go about your approach, you’ll want to first talk to her as a friend, opening up a conversation regarding a hobby of hers or something that she likes. Most women will be happy to talk about themselves and what they like to do. All you have to do is actively listen and offer some information. Pick up on what she says and remember it enough to use in your actual approach.
Once you’ve gotten the background information, you have to plan out on where and when you’re going to ask her out. You should know her favorite spots to go to and the best times to approach her. Don’t’ follow her around and watch her constantly (which most people refer to as stalking), but instead, try to pick up on what she says so that you know her favorite places to hang out. It will be much easier to catch her there.
Getting calm to overcome the shyness
Before walking up to her, take a deep breath and count to ten. Now this is very specific, but you can actually do whatever it is that calms you. What do you usually do when you’re about to make a big presentation at the office? What do you do when you’re about to shoot free throws with the game on the line? Some guys take deep breaths or recite some kind of mantra in their head. Others take a 30 second meditation. Just do whatever you must to calm your nerves before you approach the girl You want to look as confident as possible.
A simple start to the approach
This may sound crazy, but when you go up to her, just say “Hello.” It’s a radical concept, yes, but most people do know how to respond to it. It’s just one word so chances of you messing that up by stuttering or forgetting what to say are really low. You might even get a hello in return. If that gives you enough confidence to continue talking to her, then by all means do so. If the hello is enough to satisfy you, then walk back to your observation post.
What if I get rejected?
A lot of people has been rejected and lived a full life after it. Rejection can teach you what not to do next time, and it will drastically improve your chance for success in the future. You have to realize that even the most confident guys get rejected--you are certainly not alone in that. Laugh about it and deal with any pain you might have. You can’t let rejection stop you from being happy. Just try to build your confidence more, and hopefully your shyness will fade in time.
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