Dating a single mother can be challenging for all parties involved. If you’ve met a woman with multiple children, don’t be intimidated. If you are truly interested in her, consider it a trial and make a serious effort. If you have no clue how to tackle the situation, follow these pointers on how to approach a mother with several children.
Understanding the mother’s point of view
Firstly and indubitably, you must always be cognizant of the fact that this woman has children. Her children are her first priority and until they are taken care of, nothing else matters. If you are asking her on a first date, be mindful, make a good first impression and remember that they come first. Find out what time in the evening is best for her instead of suggesting a time on your own. No mother is the same as the next. Some prefer to occasionally hire a babysitter to take care of the kids for the night and others may want to remain at home until they are fed and tucked into bed. If she isn’t comfortable with the situation at home, you won’t have her undivided attention on your date as she will be preoccupied thinking about the children. Let her choose when you will meet. If she has to cancel or postpone any of your dates because the babysitter fell through, don’t be offended or turned-off. Try being creative: show up at her house anyways, toting a picnic basket and a bottle of wine for after the kids go to bed.
Looking at her as a person, not a mother
Bear in mind that you are dating the person – the individual, not the role of the “mother.” Sure, with motherhood comes responsibilities and there will certainly be times when the fact that she is a mother comes into play. But, this shouldn’t impede on your evaluation of her as a person. What she wants from you is for her underlying qualities to be noticed. She wants you to express your interest in her personality and wishes for you to notice the extra effort she made when she quickly got ready for your date after the kids went to sleep. What she doesn’t want is for you to only see her as the single mother who, for some reason, is not with the father of her children anymore. She does want you to ask about her children but she also wants you to ask about herself, her past, what she wants in life, etc.
Planning dates in advance
Make a point to plan ahead if and when you want to see her. Spontaneity is not always something that a mother of multiple can have as a factor in her life. Not only will you have a better chance of seeing her but she will also be flattered that you thought ahead. It will let her know that you were thinking about her and she will appreciate that. Inviting her to do something on short notice may in the end, effect both of you. One, she will feel bad that she has to decline so often, and two, things may begin to get uncomfortable between you because you will start to expect her to say that, no she cannot join you. Furthermore, it may possibly lead her to believe that you are not understanding of her situation.
Dealing with not meeting the kids
Don’t feel hurt or insulted if she isn’t ready to bring you home to meet the kids. Life at home is different than it once was. When she is ready, let her sit down with the kids and explain this new situation. If they aren’t ready, she clearly won’t do it. She will be eternally grateful if you let her ease you into their lives. Kids have a hard time understanding things of this degree. Give it time.
Winning the mother’s approval
If you want to win her over, show an interest in her children. As time goes on and your relationship develops, be eager to see and hear about her them. If one of them has a baseball game or a ballet recital, go! Don’t wait for her to ask if you would like to join her… ask if you can. She will love this. If you aren’t the kid-type, you should have taken this into consideration from the get-go. Don’t wait until things start to get serious to realize that being involved with in her children’s lives is not appealing to you. Her time is limited and very valuable in her eyes and she has taken that time away from them to get to know you. Don’t waste it. The kids are part of the package so, if you’re in, you’re in. You must learn to love them too.
Keeping a good relationship
If you are genuinely serious about exploring a real, long-term relationship with this woman, your initial incentive should be to focus on her as a person. If things work out between you and she expresses interest in moving forward with you by her side, you will have ample opportunity to talk about and meet her kids. The beginning is about getting to know each other before you choose to get to know the bunch. When you do get the chance to be introduced, interact with them, ask questions that they will enjoy answering and most importantly, show their mother that you care. If all goes well, the end result can be incredibly rewarding.
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