Choosing to date a guy who is inherently shy carries with it both a certain attraction and potential problems. But with a few tips you’ll be able to take your shrinking violet and turn him into a mighty oak.
Easing the worries of the shy guy
The old adage that opposites attract is sometimes true, and it’s possible the man is interested in you because you he sees in you what he lacks himself. If you talk enough for the both of you, just hearing your voice and recognizing your comfort in your own skin might put him at ease. That said, if you’re an especially gregarious person it would be in your best interest to reign yourself in initially. Dancing on tabletops or otherwise drawing attention to yourself (and, by extension, him) will not get you on his good side, and he will probably resent the attention. It’s also a good idea to avoid places that are crowded and noisy or places where he will have to compete with others to get your attention.
Figuring out why you like the shy guy
If you find that the opposites attract adage applies in your case, ask yourself why you’re attracted to a man whose personality is so diametrically opposed to your own. Do you see his shyness as imbuing him with a tint of mystery, or does he strike you as being a “project” that you can tinker with and make over into your own image? If the latter is true, then you need to be careful that you’re not taking advantage of someone who might grow resentful and more withdrawn when he realizes that you’re not satisfied with him the way he is.
Being okay with taking the initiative
If you decide to date the shy guy, the first and most obvious challenge is that you will have to take the initiative most of the time, at least in the beginning of the relationship. This begins with, quite obviously, making meaningful contact and asking the man out. If the guy is truly shy and is interested in you to boot, he’ll likely be both relieved and pleased that you made the first move, especially if his innate shyness is further brought to the forefront by your apparent interest.
Not being threatening
It will also be necessary to put the man at ease. There are several tactics you can use to accomplish this, most of which involve body language. For instance, if your body language is non-threatening, non-aggressive, and relaxed, he will likely begin to relax himself and feel more comfortable around you. As that comfort level grows, so will his be more talkative and less withdrawn.
Not teasing a shy guy
It’s very important not to tease the guy for being show for a couple of reasons. Although it might seem a bit sexist, sometimes that kind of teasing can unintentionally come across as threatening a man’s masculinity or otherwise be misinterpreted. Also, teasing of this nature can also result in your date feeling embarrassed, at which point you will have destroyed any rapport and level of comfort you had built up to that point. Try to remember that this shyness is not something that the guy chooses, but rather something that he must deal with despite the fear of moving out of his innate comfort zone.
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