Not everyone in the dating world is single because of divorce and break-ups. There are a fairly large percentage of singles that have been widowed, and dating them presents its own special set of challenges. It’s quite possible and even rewarding to date someone who has lost their spouse to death, but it’s helpful to be aware of a few things.
Learning to deal with the widow’s mourning
First, it’s important to realize that there is no set timetable for grief. Just because someone’s spouse died ten years ago does not necessarily mean she is ready to move on. However, another widow may be ready to date again after just a year. Every situation is different, and good communication is important in determining if the widow is truly ready to enter a new relationship. The only real red flag is if it has only been a few months since the spouse’s death. No matter the circumstances behind the death and no matter what the quality of that relationship, the widow is going to need more than just a few months to process the enormous changes in her life.
Realizing your role in the relationship
Don’t make a lot of assumptions. Many assume that widows are looking for a replacement for their deceased spouse. They assume that, just because the marriage ended in death, rather than divorce, it was somehow an ideal relationship. They assume that no new person will possibly measure up, in the widow’s eyes. All of these assumptions are flawed, at best. Any widow, who has gone through the grieving process in a healthy and self-aware fashion, will realize that the dead spouse was a unique individual, and therefore cannot, and should not be replaced. She will also realize that any new person she enters into a relationship with is also unique and brings their own special characteristics to the table.
Being the best partner you can for the widow
It is also important to realize that many marriages ending in death were far from ideal. Even if there was loyalty and love, the spouse may have passed away after a long, difficult illness, and the widow’s life may be much easier and less complicated because that illness is now over. The marriage may have been a good one, but again, a widow that has correctly weathered the grieving process will be aware that she cannot expect a carbon copy in any new relationship. Rather, she will be looking for the positive traits and characteristics, while realizing they will not manifest themselves in exactly the same way. Be those positive trait’s the best you can.
Don’t be insecure…
Perhaps one of the biggest concerns to a person entering into a relationship with a widow is that she has built at the very least, a mental shrine to the deceased spouse’s memory, and that no living person can ever live up to that idealized memory. While there are widows who do this, that behavior alone is indication that she is not ready for a new relationship. If you find yourself dating someone who still has all of their deceased spouse’s belongings, has his pictures everywhere, and talks about him constantly, she still has some grieving to do before she is ready to date anyone. It is normal for a widow to occasionally talk about and refer to her deceased spouse; obviously, he was an important part of her life for most likely, quite a long time. However, if it is obvious that she is still thinking about him most of the time, she is simply not ready to devote her life to a new person. Unless she seems obsessed with her deceased spouse, don’t assume that you won’t measure up. Try to not let her widowed status feed your insecurities. If she is spending time with you, and seems happy to be with you, she is!Even though many see dating a widow as a frightening prospect, it just takes an open mind and good communication to enter into a new relationship with someone who may be very excited about making a fresh start.
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