You have finally met someone worth working for who lives up to your standards of the ideal boyfriend or girlfriend. You are compatible, you get along, you have a comfortable relationship and most importantly, you are able to communicate. Now, you are trying to find a way to tell your significant other that you have an STD (sexually transmitted disease) but don’t know how. You don’t know how they will accept it, you don’t know IF they will accept it, but you do know what will happen if you don’t talk about it. It’s time to break the news… here are some strategies to help you along the way:
Accepting your STD and dealing with it
One of the most important things about having an STD is acceptance. You are not the only person to experience something like this. It doesn’t prove that you have a reckless or promiscuous sexual life. Statistics even prove that STDs are extremely common amongst people these days. One of the first steps toward telling your partner about your disease is actually accepting it yourself. You can’t be miserable and blame yourself for what has happened and you can’t feel guilty.
Picking the right moment to talk about the STD
When you’re ready to tell the person you are dating about your STD, wait for the right moment. Don’t accidently let them know while you are out at a bar together having a few drinks, don’t tell them at a big social gathering and certainly do not tell them mid-sex. There should be no “by the way, we need to talk,” while you are amidst a hot and heavy session. Wait until you are in a private and comfortable setting to bring it up. When you begin your conversation, do not start with that horribly infamous quote mentioned above. In fact, don’t say it at all.
Starting to break the news
Start by talking about all of the reasons why you are glad to have met him or her, for example. Or, talk about all of the positive things that you love about your relationship. From there, gently ease your way in. You have obviously gotten to a point where you are comfortable talking about considerably major things. It’s good to have let your person get to know you before talking about it so they can’t really use it as an excuse to back out if they are afraid. They know you now so it’s a lot more personal.
Giving them the facts about your disease
When you feel that you can muster the confidence to talk, inform your partner about STD facts. Depending on what type you have, information will vary. Tell him or her everything you know about your disease including how you think you got it, how it can be avoided, statistics, etc. Some people don’t know how many people in this world are actually infected with an STD. If you let the person you are dating know some numbers, the way the register the information could be different. It could make them feel better to know that you aren’t just some unfortunate individual who somehow became infected with this disease, but that there are a significant amount of other people as well – that you aren’t alone. Also, be sure to discuss the probability of your partner becoming ill or infected and provide some documented information such as informational pamphlets and websites. Let them choose whether or not they want to investigate, but encourage it.
Giving the other person time to adjust
You must give your love interest time to absorb your news. It’s a very big deal and not something that anyone can take very lightly. You shouldn’t be offended if their initial reaction is not what you expected and you must take into account that it is the type of information that can really catch a person off-guard. When you first discovered that you were infected, it surely was shocking news for you. Now, consider what it may be like for your partner to hear about it. Don’t pull the pity game. Don’t assume that because they are distant, they have immediately judged you and want out. Don’t get defensive if they don’t instantly tell you that it’s ok and that they can accept it. What you need to do is assure them that you understand the circumstances and then give him or her some time to think about what you have just told them and let them know that you will be waiting.
Learning to wait--a lot
When the time comes, he or she will eventually be ready to talk. If all goes well, things will work out and you will find a way to deal with it together. Dating with an STD is certainly not a simple thing to cope with. Gathering the confidence to talk about it is a really big deal and if that certain someone can come to accept it, you’ve got a keeper.
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