So you’re ready to start the dating game. You’ve singled out someone who meets at least some of your many requirements, and you’re in it for the long haul. You finally get passed the tricky ice breakers and the silly insecurities, and you’re finally having dinner. Things are going well until the conversations steers in the direction of The Personal Life. You think you didn’t hear correctly but as the sentence is uttered a second time you realize your ears did not deceive you. This person has kids. Worse: teenagers! Entering a relationship with someone who already has children can become an extremely complicated situation. Should you run as fast as your designer shoes you bought because you don’t have the burden of school fees can carry you? Do you finish your meal, pay for it (shame she’s got enough problems) and tell her you just realized you were homosexual? Or do you offer to meet them as soon as possible and pray they didn’t turn out like the Osbourne kids. Here’s some tips that might help the situation a bit:
Accepting the situation
Dating in itself is hard enough, but trying to do that while being a single parent to a teenager can be a whole different story. You need to look at things from their prospective. This person has probably been turned down a few times because of her kids, and you probably don’t want to be another one of those guys. If you really like this person and you see a foreseeable future with her, kids included, then get ready to take the plunge. If you don’t plan on staying in though, get out as soon as you can so she can find someone that will be okay with it.
Before you meet the teens
Always keep in mind that the teenagers are already apprehensive about you even before meeting you. In fact, they probably hate you already, and you haven‘t even spoken to them. Never let this get to you because your new partner will be watching your reaction around the mention of her kids just as much as your reaction to an actual meeting. The meeting should not happen too soon in the relationship, but it does need to happen. First give your own relationship a chance to grow. There might be a chance that things don’t work out and the necessity of meeting the kids will then of course be obsolete. Take your time, there is no rush.
Meeting the teens
When a moment arrives when both parties concerned are comfortable with the idea, only then do you schedule a meeting. Pick a time that is most convenient for the kids. Don’t ask to meet on a Friday night when they’re getting ready to go on a date. Go on something like a Tuesday night when they shouldn’t have any obligations and have already gotten over their “crap it’s Monday” blues. When you actually meet the kids, try to look like a friend to them. Come in wearing a t-shirt from their favorite band, or start talking about a sport they’re really into. Ask your partner about their interests beforehand so that you can find something to relate to. Some teens might see through your tactics, but at least they’ll know you’re trying.
How to be a friend and parent
Depending on the situation, never try to be a replacement for a lost or divorced parent. You can provide friendship and maybe eventually guidance but not much more. They will sniff out a kiss-ass a mile away and though it seems as if there is no other way to gain their trust but to pay for those tattoos they’ve always wanted, keep in mind that they will probably laugh about what a sucker you were behind your back. Also, you do not have any say as to what they can and cannot do – ask the parent first!
The rest of the relationship
Once the meeting has taken place the real work begins. Then there is the maintenance of the fine balance between the relationship with your partner and the relationship with her children to concern yourself with. Sometimes in the process of trying to make the kids like you, you forget that you still have a newly found partner to impress. Take good care of this delicate situation, and be sure to address the need of everyone. After that, you’ll be part of the family in no time.
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