There are dozens of articles out there on how to date someone who is in the military, but very few that address the opposite. Yes, you have the Family Readiness Groups, but they are also geared more toward your spouse or significant other as the case may be. What about the soldier? You have made an amazing commitment to your country; however, this could be at the cost of many relationships if you aren’t equipped for what you may face. Here are a few hints that may help you and your significant other get through it, hopefully without quite so many headaches or arguments.
Show your commitment to your partner
If you are already dating someone else who is enlisted, both of you are already aware that your commitments to the job come first and the relationship is a close second. However, dating a civilian as you may have already learned can be much more difficult. They may become frustrated by the priority of your commitment to the job over them. This can be even more difficult if you are active duty or in a deployable unit. The prospect of leaving a partner behind can be mad even more difficult if the person is not understanding and supportive of your duty to your service. At the same time, you must try to be understanding and compassionate to their feelings of abandonment and loss. Sometimes just talking it out can be helpful. Other times, depending on the length of time you will be gone and where you are going, your partner may need reassurance that you will still be communicating through phone, email and letters. This can be especially important if this is the first deployment during your relationship. Also, celebrating birthdays and holidays that you will miss while away, can be helpful in showing your partner that you are committed to the relationship as well.
Develop trust with the partner
Next, you must develop trust with your partner. That’s not to say twinges of jealousy won’t arise; however, talking to your significant other about your concerns and allowing them to restore your confidence in the relationship should help. This is particularly important in new relationships. You should also try to discuss any trust issues they may have. This may make any future extended travel smoother as well.
Support your military man/woman
Being supportive of your partner can sometimes be hard enough in a normal relationship, but then throw a military partner into the mix and the decisions sometimes get tougher. They may not take a bullet or dodge a land mine, but life back at home can be equally as hard. Especially when you consider they are doing it alone. So, try to be supportive of the decisions they make while you are away. Just like you, they are doing the best they can with the situation you are both in. Try to avoid telling them that a decision they made “is not the way you would have done it.” This can be even more heartbreaking than the deployment. Also, support their personal goals. Your partner may chose to go back to college or remodel your home while you are away. Be supportive of whatever activity they choose.
Be honest at all times
Honesty is the foundation for any healthy relationship. Although, as military personnel, there are certain aspects of your job that you may not be able to disclose. Your significant other is going to need to understand this fact. However, there is no aspect of your relationship that you should not be able to discuss openly and honestly. This includes the beginning stages of your relationship. If you are deploying, entering boot camp or transferring to another base, these are all things that a potential or current partner needs to know. Allow them all the information you can and supportively let them decide how and if they want to proceed with the relationship. You should try as best you can to be understanding regardless of their decision. Remember, that is takes a special kind of person to have the patience, understanding and commitment to have a relationship with some in the military, so be appreciative of your supportive civilian partner. Overall, communication, understanding and honesty are the keys to any successful relationship.
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