He’s hot, he’s a snappy dresser, and he’s ridiculously charming. Every indication from the limited exposure you’ve had to him says that you have more than a few common interests. But something about him is… a little off. Because for all the charm and the hotness factor, there’s something about the too-often eye rolling and the slightly less than sardonic smirk that’s seemingly always in place that’s giving off a vibe that contradicts the other qualities you find attractive in him. Is it possible that this potentially perfect guy is – GASP! – a jerk?
Obvious Jerks v. Under-the-Radar Jerks
To be clear, both men and women can be (and are) jerks; it’s just that, well, women tend to be referred to by other monikers when they display their jerk-like tendencies. And very often you’re able to identify person who are predisposed to jerkiness almost immediately because it’s such an innate part of their personality that they aren’t able to effectively hide it. But occasionally you’ll run into a jerk who also has oodles of charm and other positive qualities that mask the jerk factor, or perhaps his jerkitude emerges only in particular situations. If this is the case and you’re not sure if your crush is a jerk, here are some shortcuts to determine once and for all where that guy (or gal!) falls on the Jerk-O-Meter.
Jerk Indicators
How He/She Treats Other People The most obvious (and simplest to use) indicator of whether or not a person is a jerk relates to how that person treats other people. A jerk who is obvious will treat most everyone (including friends and colleagues) poorly, whether it be with unnecessarily snide and sarcastic remarks, cruel teasing, or flat-out ignoring others. A less-obvious jerk, however, generally keeps himself in check in most social situations. If this is the case but you still suspect your crush is a jerk, then keep an eye on how the crush treats people who are not part of his/her social or professional structure. For instance, the way he/she treats people in the service industry can speak volumes about the true nature of a person. Tune in to see how your crush relates to the wait staff when you’re dining out. Is he gracious and polite (if not friendly) toward the server? Does he make eye contact, or does he act as if the server is a non-entity? Does he say thank you after his meal is placed in front of him? Does he leave an appropriate gratuity? This information can also be gleaned by observing how the person interacts with others in the service industry, including customer service representatives over the phone, the counter clerk at the grocery store, the bank teller, etc.
How He/She Talks About Other People
If your crush has completely mastered the ability to hide his jerkiness in relation to how he treats others while interacting with them one-on-one but you still suspect he’s a jerk, observe how he talks about people when they’re not around. Is he unnecessarily critical of his own friends or co-workers when he’s not in their presence? Note here that the key word is “unnecessarily,” since being critical of friends, co-workers and others with whom we spend a lot of time is often legitimate and is human nature. But is he what middle school girls would label a “back stabber”? Does he harp on things over which people have no control? Is he insensitive about people’s personal situations? If the answer is yes, then he’s likely a jerk.
How He/She Treats and Talks To/About You
Some people are as kind and polite as the day is long when they interact with other people, but they think that being in a romantic relationship with someone is a license to treat the other person as “less.” If people flock around and croon about how awesome and friendly your girlfriend is but she turns off the charm and turns on the self-centered, berating persona and directs it all toward you in private – well, then, your girlfriend is a jerk.
Treating others with respect and being aware of (and practicing) social mores is the best indicator of whether or not a person is a jerk. Couple that with your intuition or gut feeling, and you’ll be able to determine quickly and concisely if your crush is a jerk or a
Add your reply to AskMyGF