Everyone who has let someone into their heart has been hurt. Some of us probably more than others. The hurt is what has created to opportunity to build walls and keep people out. Our lack of trust has enabled us to shut down (so to speak) and not allow anyone to hurt us like that again. This way of life can be a very lonely one. So, here are a few tips that may help you let go of some of those pesky trust issues and start dating again.
Trust yourself first
This is first and foremost. You absolutely must learn how to trust yourself and your decisions, before you can trust anyone else. This means using your instincts and trusting those internal alarms. You need to stop second-guessing yourself. Whomever or whatever hurt you, it was not entirely your fault. However, no one is completely a victim. Admit to your role in the situation and move on. You should choose to use those situations as learning experiences to how your “Red Alert” alarms sound.
Take time to heal
There isn’t much that a little bit of time won’t heal. So, don’t expect to just jump back into dating and not have any skittish tendencies. Make sure you give yourself enough time to heal. There is no pre-set amount of time to this. It could be one week or one month or one year. However, much time it is, take it. Jumping back on the horse too quickly may actually cause you to unnecessarily hurt an innocent bystander.
Avoid making comparisons from one relationship to the next
Once you do begin dating, you should try your best not to compare the new special person in your life to the old one. This is counterproductive and could cause some major fights. You would understand that as of yet, this person has not given you a reason not to trust them. They also may have their own set of trust issues and that may be something you could work on together.
Don’t punish your partner
You may also have an urge to punish someone. This could be anyone from your new partner to yourself. At all cost, this must be avoided. Also, punishing yourself is easily the most self destructive thing you can do. Remember, you most likely didn’t ask for someone to hurt you, so punishing yourself for someone else’s mistake is simply wrong.
Be as open as possible
Overall, you should try as best you can to be open. Take small steps. Give your new partner little “trust builders” and use these stepping stones to gain your trust. After all, trust is earned not immediately given. Don’t expect too much, too fast. Even though you may be inclined to trust your new partner explicitly at first, you should also set some boundaries to this that may of course be lifted later. This would be for self protection. You don’t want to get into the habit of trusting too soon and getting hurt over and over again. At that point, you are then a part of the problem, not the solution.
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