As you date and form a relationship, little things come about your partner come to the service. It may be that she has a crazy ex or he has slept with a few more people than you would like or even he broke up with a girl in a bad way one time. Regardless of what dirty little indisecretion your partner may have, if you want to continue on with a healthy relationship, it is important for you to move past these things. How, you say. Well, here are a few suggestions that may put things in perspective for you.
Don’t judge unless you want to be judged
We are taught this from an early age and with good reason. Unless you have a perfect past (which not many of us do), judging someone else’s past is completely out of the question. So what, he lied to a girl one time in junior high. That was junior high. You should actually feel really lucky that he choose you to share his past with. This means that he felt like you wouldn’t look down on him for his past transgressions. Stay open to these things and he may just share more of his deep dark secrets.
Don’t worry about the past
This is a very hard thing for most new relationships. Mainly because all you have to go on is the past. You don’t have your own past yet, so you must base your considerations and decisions on your partner’s past reactions. In this case, you should throw this concept out the window. You are different from anyone in your mate’s past. You are your own person and obviously he/she feels different about you than he/she did about the people in his/her past. So, does it really matter how she reacted to a boyfriend in the past? NO! He wasn’t you. Instead, work on building your own past and fill it with things the two of you will want to remember. Also, plan for your future together. That is far more fun than worrying about things that have already happened.
Don’t make the past your business
While it is perfectly acceptable to ask questions about your partner’s past, don’t dig too deep. The fact is his/her past is none of your business. You also should only ask about things your partner offers up. Keeping in mind that it is entirely his/her choice whether to share anything with you about his/her past. Honestly, it is a privilege not a right. You don’t need to know what happened in his/her past to have a healthy relationship with him/her now. So, unless he/she wants to talk about it, mind your own business.
The past is just the past…
Overall, you should try to remember that the past is just that. Over time people change, grow and learn just as you have. So, try not to judge your partner too harshly for any aspect of his/her ancient history. Move forward and live in the now with your mate. Enjoy the time the two of you spend together and try your best not to think of how they were before you. Reality is none of that matters. What should matter to you, is how your boyfriend/girlfriend treats you and acts with you. Dwelling on the past will cause nothing but heartache and headaches for both of you. So, make the choice to have a happy and healthy relationship and move on from not only your partner’s past, but your own.
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