Friends and boyfriends either get along like a house on fire or not. If they do not, it can be difficult to change the situation. Friends, especially those with whom you have enjoyed a long term friendship, are your chosen family and as such should be valued and respected. Boyfriends fall into two categories: long term and short term. If your friends are lifelong buddies you have shared thousands of secrets with and are more like members of your family, it is nice to be able to think your boyfriend will warm to them and welcome them as friends himself. If he is unable to do this for some reason, it can be hurtful not only for you but also for the friend. So here are some tips to help get your boyfriend to like your friends:
Analyze why they your boyfriend and friends don’t get along
You need to consider first of all why they are not getting along. Perhaps they are both over protective of your feelings and each feels the other compromises your time in some way or uses you to a degree? They could be right! Take a look at both of these intimate relationships and see whether you are being a mug and leading the other person into trouble as being an exploiter.
Trying to incorporate your friends
Friends are usually respecters of space and when one friend finds a boyfriend and is spending time with him, a good friend has the tact and diplomacy to find something else to do with her time. That is not to say the friend should be totally neglected but there is a time and place for everything, and a Saturday night intimate dinner for two is not the place to show up as a third wheel. If this happens, you need to put a stop to it.
Understanding why he doesn’t like your friends
When a boyfriend makes it obvious that he is not keen on a friend that you have had for years, it is usually because he thinks the friend is intruding upon time that he feels should be reserved for him exclusively. Other problems may be at the source of the resentment but this is the most obvious and the most common source of difficulty. Try to understand his views and respond accordingly. Show him that you love and care about him, and that he is still your top priority.
Balancing time with both of them
Try to be fair about the amount of time you spend with your friend. Often, time spent with a long term friend is habit forming and over time you have no idea how long you are away and how much time you are really taking away from your boyfriend. Ask yourself what he might be doing while you are busy doing girlie stuff; it can’t be easy being sidelined by a buddy. Also ask yourself how you would feel if he was spending all his time with his friends from college while you kick your heels somewhere. The give and take that comes with a new relationship will sometimes exclude the relationships that fall outside of your involvement with this new person in your life. Take the opportunity to manage your time and guarantee you keep both the boyfriend and the friend. If the boyfriend is short term, however, stick with your friends!
Add your reply to AskMyGF