Here’s the scenario: up until now, you’ve considered yourself a pretty average guy. You’ve always been attracted to normal women, and for the most part, nothing to unorthodox goes on in the bedroom or elsewhere. But now you’ve met someone really different, and you realize that, crazy as it seems, what you get from this relationship is what you’ve been looking for your whole life. But here’s the rub; your new woman has some very clear ideas of her role and your role in the relationship, and they are pretty extreme and well-defined. She is very much in charge, and letting go of control is a new and amazing feeling for you. You’re not entirely comfortable, but you love the way she makes you feel, so you want to know more, and do more.
Figuring out your role: abused or abuser?
The first thing you should do when finding yourself in a BDSM relationship is determine what your role is, and what you and your partner want to get out of it. Generally, there are two distinct roles: the dominant, and the submissive. By the time you have entered the relationship, you probably already know which one you are, but it is helpful to inform yourself as to what each role really means. It is very important to communicate with your partner, so you understand what her expectations are as well. There is a large subculture involved in this lifestyle, so there are many resources both on and off the internet that can help you learn more.
Realizing the extent of the relationship
Once you have established your role, you need to sit down with your partner and find out exactly how far you want to take it. Is she happy with just a bit of bondage play in the bedroom, or does she want you on a leash while you do housework? Do your roles extend into every aspect of life, or is she happy to have a completely equal partnership unless you’re playing? It’s also important that you be honest with yourself and understand how far you are willing to go. Part of the appeal of the BDSM lifestyle is the pushing of boundaries and moving outside one’s comfort zone, but how far are you willing to go on a regular basis?
Learning to take the BDSM further
Another consideration is if you wish to participate in this lifestyle just as a couple, or if you wish to extend it to other aspects of your social life. As mentioned before, there is a thriving BDSM subculture, and you may find it fun and stimulating to spend time with the like-minded. Again, this is something you can discuss with your partner so you can find out just how far you want to take it.
Making sure that BDSM is right for you
A BDSM relationship is not for everyone, but those who embrace it are often very passionate about it. If you inform yourself, maintain open communication with your partner, and understand your own needs and motivations, you may find it enjoyable and rewarding in the extreme. Don’t be too alarmed by feelings of discomfort and vulnerability; part of BDSM’s appeal is its ability to push and break the bounds of the ordinary and create a very special relationship.
1 Reply
12GAUGE / Man / Likes Women / Just looking
To my way of thinking it ain't about the abuser or abused.
Master-sub
Mistress-sub
It's about excellent COMMS, taking yourself to your limits...AND BEYOND
It's about alot of other stuff but I'm still a mere novice searching for my comrade.