It can be really hard in your mind to move an ex from the “committed” category of your mind to the “casual” category. However, time does soften all wounds, and you may be completely over him or her emotionally, and yet, still find them attractive. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. If you are thinking about engaging in sexual relations with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend again, there are a few pointers you should keep in mind.
Sex Does Not Necessarily Mean Love
After the initial honeymoon phase of crazy, monkey sex, making love probably became an intimate expression of your feelings for one another. However, those days are in the past. Now, sex is simply fulfilling a physical need with someone you find attractive. Keep in mind that cuddling and kissing go hand in hand with foreplay. Do not mistake it for emotional attachment.
Minimize Your Regrets
Sometimes, when you are in love, you will do sexual favors and acts for someone that you would not perform under other circumstances. Remember that you are not in love with this person anymore. If you have limitations on the boundaries you are willing to push, stick to them. You want to walk away from your experience with a good feeling, not one of regret. Do not allow yourself to be pushed into something you do not want to do.
Lose Your Expectations
You are entitled to respect and kindness from your ex. However, you would expect this treatment from any friend or acquaintance that you have contact with. You are not entitled to any special treatment from your ex beyond this.
Do Not Be Clingy
Do not harass your ex by email or phone or text message after your encounter. It is alright to send him or her a polite message saying that you enjoyed the time you had together, but leave it at that. If he or she wants to resume your dating relationship, leave that ball in their court. Once again, you should not have any expectation that that will necessarily be their mode of thinking. Sex with an ex can be an emotionally taxing experience. You must make sure that you have allowed yourself enough time between the time you broke up and the time you resume sexual relations so that you can accurately separate reality from desire.
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