An emotional affair is exactly what it sounds like: an affair that does not include physical intimacy, but only emotional intimacy. An emotional affair can arise if you're in a relationship or if you're married, and it can be with a friend, coworker, neighbor, etc. Although an emotional affair does not consist of a sexual affair (at least initially) it is still a form of infidelity. If you're questioning whether or not a relationship with someone other than your partner is crossing the line between friendship and romance, assess yourself by this criteria.
Intimate Conversations
Whether you're talking on the phone, Internet, or face-to-face, there is a difference between a platonic conversation and an intimate one. You can have a friend that you trust enough to discuss personal stories with but there is a difference between confiding in them, and creating intimacy between the two of you. If you start to talk to this friend instead of your partner, about your problems and complaints in your relationship, what it'd be like if you were together, what you look for in a partner, and your hopes and dreams for the future, chances are that you're in the beginning stages of an emotional affair. If you feel like your partner would be mad if he or she saw the conversations between you and your friend then you're probably crossing the line between friendship and romance.
Excitement To See or Talk To the Person
If you start to get butterflies before you see or talk to that friend then there are more than friendship feelings between the two of you. In fact, when you're having an emotional affair you might even prefer to see or talk to your friend over your partner. You don't feel that excitement to spend time with your partner anymore, you feel it when you're going to see your friend. As soon as you talk to that special person your entire mood changes and you feel fulfilled. If you have to go for a day or two without talking to that person then you feel irritable and empty.
The Secrecy and Deception Begins
Even if you don't want to admit that you're having an emotional affair, your inner-voice knows that you're doing something taboo. You realize that you're hiding details about your friendship from your significant other because you know that they would be mad or hurt. You don't want to reveal the amount of time that you spend hanging out or talking to your friend because then your partner would be suspicious. Although you're not engaging in a physical affair (yet) you know that the excessive amount of time that you're spending on your friend is a form of betrayal, and you're scared to reveal that to your partner. Likewise, you feel awkward spending time with your partner and your friend at the same time.
Emotional and Sexual Chemistry
It's normal to picture a friend naked or even think about what it would be like to be intimate with that person, but it is not normal to long for physical intimacy with that person. When you're having an emotional affair you will start to think about what it would be like to be with that person, to kiss, to hold one another, to have sex, etc., and you will want it to happen. The fact that you're not physical with that person only makes you want them more, and that emotional connection makes you long for the physical connection. The two of you might even talk about what it would be like if you were together.
You're in Denial
If you have any type of conscience then the guilt is going to get to you and you're going to deny the feelings that you have. You're going to try to convince yourself that you're not doing anything wrong because you haven't physically cheated on your partner. You're going to try to justify your actions by looking at the problems in your relationship or focusing on the faults of your partner. If your partner hurt you in some way then you're going to tell yourself that they deserve what you're doing (even though you swear you're not doing anything wrong) because they brought you to this point. However, you will constantly try to deny that you have any romantic feelings for this person.
You Finally Must Make a Choice
Because an emotional affair seldom remains an emotional affair, you will eventually find yourself in a position to make a choice. Your partner will catch on, your friend will want a relationship, or the conflicting feelings will just become too much for you; whatever the case may be, you will have to decide to end your current relationship or cut ties with your friend. Once you have hit this brick wall you will no longer be able to deny the fact that you have been involved in an emotional affair and you will have to choose who you're going to be with – or your partner will leave you because they feel betrayed.
Add your reply to Marlee