The most dreaded stage in any parent’s life can be adolescence. Your tween or teen’s hormones are raging. They have a completely different attitude from the sweet, innocent child you once knew. To top all of that off, now they want to start “dating.” Well unfortunately, when the doctor handed you this precious bundle of joy over a decade ago, he forgot the instruction manual. But, before you start preparing for war (and this a good possibility, you could be headed for at least battle), here are a few things you many want to consider.
“But I am 16 now!”
Although sixteen appears to be the social norm, some parents have refused to allow their children to date until college. While others allow chaperoned “group dating” as young as 12 years of age. As far as your child’s age is concern, this a factor you can choose to put on the back burning to their maturity level or responsibility level. Or as some parents do, you could set an age rule. For example, your children can start dating at age 16, or your children can start dating as soon as they can drive or something similar. This may save at least a few disagreements if the age for dating in your household is the same across the board.
“But I AM mature enough!”
Your child’s maturity level is a very important aspect as to when they should be allowed to date. For example, you may feel that your 12 year old is mature enough to handle group dates, while your 16 year old is still not ready to handle solo dating. This is a judgment call. This can also be the basis for many arguments. So, be prepared and stand firm in whatever decision you make.
“But I am responsible!”
One of the most important aspects to consider when allowing your child to date is how responsible they are. You may have the tendency to be more lenient to a child that does their chores, holds down a part-time job and makes good grades. All of these things show that they are responsible and currently capable of making good decisions. Now, that said you may not want them to overload themselves either. With a child that is already extremely busy, dating could cause other aspects of their lives to suffer, i.e. their grades may drop etc.
“But everyone’s doing it!”
Only you know your child well enough to determine if it is alright for them to start dating. So, don’t let the pressure of other children’s parents detour you from your job (to protect your child). Not everyone is doing it. Your child isn’t. If, for whatever the reason, you don’t feel your child is old enough to start dating, stick to your guns. They may not like your decision, but by explaining that their safety is your #1 priority, they will at least feel loved and protected (even if it is overprotected).
Think about the situation logically
Overall, it is your job to determine what is best for your child. Regardless of your decision your child is growing up and experiencing life. You can’t stop this, but with your guidance and preparation, they should be able to make the appropriate decisions for themselves.Lastly, now that you’re the parent of an adolescent, get used to being told your are overprotective, oppressive, old fashioned and the like. This just means that you’re doing a great job!
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