Relationships often fail because of excessive fighting and that is usually because rather than attempting to end the fight, both partners add fuel to the fire. Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to prevent a fight from blowing up. If you want to experience more loving and less fighting take a look at these quick tips.
Pick Your Battles
You can't be a pushover and allow your partner to get away with everything but you should most definitely pick your battles. Try to ask yourself if the issue that you're fighting about is going to matter in a month or a year from now and if the answer is no, then try to let it go. If you make a big deal over every small incident that arises then your partner is not going to take you seriously when you argue over important matters.
Take Time To Cool Down
Even if you think that you will get angrier by taking time to think about the argument, you will most likely cool off. Taking time to cool off will give you a chance to think about your argument and gain perspective on the matter. If you start fighting right after you get angry then you don't have time to think about what is really bothering you, and you will probably only make the fight escalate into a much bigger issue than it actually is. Figure out exactly why you're angry and then think of an effective way to explain it to your partner, that way you will not only prevent the fight from blowing up but you might even grow closer afterward.
Try To Keep Your Cool
Although you might want to rip your partner's head off, try to remain calm. Screaming is not going to solve anything, it only leaves your partner more angry. Yelling will not help your partner hear you, it will make him or her tune out. If you try to keep your cool and you talk to your partner in an "inside voice" then your argument will be more authentic, and you'll be taken more seriously. If you start screaming and swearing at your partner then that will only give him or her a reason to blame you for the argument, and it'll escalate into a much bigger fight.
Don't Apologize and Continue To Argue Your Point
One of the biggest fire starters in a fight is when you say that you're sorry and then you continue to argue your point. Do not apologize to your partner and then continue to attempt to prove that you're right. If you do this then the fight is going to keep going around in circles. Not to mention, your apology is going to seem extremely phony. If you want to give an honest apology but you don't feel that you're wrong in the situation then say that you're sorry if you hurt his or her feelings because that was not your intention – but don't apologize for whatever the fight is about.
Don't Exaggerate
In the midst of an argument if you say, "Look, you're usually pretty cool about this but today it made me mad that you..." it will be much more effective then if you go on a tangent about how she or he "always" do this thing that bugs you. Usually when you say that they always do whatever it is that you're mad about then you're going to offend them and make them think that you're constantly unhappy, since this action makes you angry. Also, chances are that they don't "always" do whatever it is that you're arguing about, so an exaggeration will add fuel to the fire.
Don't Blame
Don't point your finger at your partner and blame the entire fight on him or her because that will make the whole fight blow up. Even if you think that you're totally innocent, try to make them think that you take mutual responsibility for whatever happened. Rather than telling your partner that they have to work on an issue, say that "we" have to work on it. Explain that you think that you have both improved in the area that you're angry about, but that you still need to work at it. Not blaming your partner will work wonders in ending the fight.
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