You’ve just discovered your partner in bed with someone who is decidedly not you. A million emotions will probably run through your head and heart right now: rage, hurt, confusion, betrayal – and, again probably, rage. If there’s any possible way, however, contain your emotions, step back from the situation, and leave. Leave immediately.
How to leave with dignity
You need to get yourself out of this painful and confusing situation immediately, and it will help if you can do it while retaining some measure of dignity. Bursting into tears and hurling accusations and table lamps might be your natural reaction (And who could blame you?), but it’s possible that your partner will respond with a smirk or an insulting statement like, “You drove me to this,” just to further hurt you and misplace the blame. Alternately, your two-timing lover might beg to explain and swear it was a forgivable offense – and in your state you are almost certainly not thinking clearly and might find yourself even worse off. Your goal at this point is to leave as quickly as you can, even if it’s your house.
Go find a friend to comfort you
If you can, when you leave head straight for the comforting presence of a trusted friend. You’re going to need all of the emotional support you can get right now, so choose someone who can be sympathetic and provide a shoulder to lean on. That said, this is not the time to broadcast the situation to anyone and everyone who will listen. After all, there is always the possibility (no matter how remote) that you might get back with your partner, and you don’t want to air all your dirty laundry at this stage. Try to keep the number of people with whom you share news of the infidelity with to a minimum, and ask them to keep quiet about the situation while you work through it.
How to deal with the breakup after you catch your partner in bed
If you decide to end the relationship, realize that very often a betrayal of this magnitude is like a death – the death of a relationship. Because of this, you should expect to go through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Take your time going through this process, since you’ve just suffered a very traumatic loss.
Don’t seek revenge
Even as you go through these stages – especially anger – don’t fall into the trap of trying to get revenge. After a betrayal like this a vengeful streak is likely to surface, but don’t give in to it whether it’s directed at your previous paramour or the person with whom you found him or her in bed. In fact, it’s usually best to cease all communication.
Take good care of yourself
As you go through the stages of grief, also remember to take care of yourself. You’re undergoing a very traumatic experience, so taking care of your psychological and physical health is of premium importance. Surround yourself with friends and keep busy. It’s okay to mourn, but try not to feel too sorry for yourself. After all, you’re better off without a two-timing trickster anyway.
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