When you are considering telling your boyfriend that you don’t like his friends, it is obvious that what you are really saying is that you don’t think he should like them either! Friends are personal items. You choose your friends as you choose your clothes and one set of friends might not suit another and vice versa. The fact is, if you don’t like your boyfriend’s friends that he chooses to spend time with, it is entirely possible that you don’t really like the way he behaves when he is with his friends, which is a different problem entirely, right? Here are some tip to help you figure out why you don’t like your boyfriend’s friends and how to tell him about it:
Accepting that he will have friends, no matter what
If you are the type of person who likes to have your boyfriend’s exclusive attention, you need to make an effort to grow up and understand that everyone has a right to select friends to have fun with and even someone to talk problems over with. You might argue that he could talk to you about his problems but the truth is that sometimes, you will be the problem!
Talking about some of the issues
If your boyfriend’s friends are really obnoxious and are rude to you or make it obvious that you are unwelcome, you need to address the issue with your boyfriend because he must be giving them signals that it is okay to treat his girlfriend that way. If that is the case, you might wish to re-think your opinion of him, rather than his friends. Men do not always fully understand the concept of time and the fair division of time. A man who has spent every Saturday night for more than ten years playing poker, or spent an entire day fishing every single week with a set of buddies he has known since High School is not going to suddenly change because you have come along. You must let him know that you are uncomfortable with his spending excessive time with his friends if that is what he is doing, otherwise he cannot know how you feel about the situation and it will only get worse as your resentment deepens.
Compromising about the friends
Compromise is always an option when it comes to friends and you might be surprised to discover that he doesn’t like your friends any more than you like his! If that is the case it makes things so much easier because you can take some independent time to spend with your respective choice of company. You might also find that you share a liking for certain couples but do not particularly care for single members of the partnership. The way people behave as a couple and the impression they give as an independent person will sometimes be quite different.
Should I just come out and tell him?
On the question of whether you should tell your boyfriend pointedly that you do not approve of his choices when it comes to friends and when you are happily dissecting his friends’ shortcomings, just remember that he might start on yours and your long term friendships might not stand a little criticism either, so be tactful! Listen to his opinions too so that you don’t lose the relationship.
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