The shock is awful when you find out that your girlfriend, whom you previously regarded as your exclusive property, has had a long term and healthy friendship with a man. Suspicion deepens as you find he is not a sympathy friendship. Far from looking like Quasimodo, he is handsome, intelligent, has a successful career and is physically fit. Don’t you just hate him? What to do now? Well, here are some tips to help you deal with your girlfriend’s male best friend:
Analyzing your insecurities about the friendship
Before you start throwing your weight around and demanding that she break off this inappropriate friendship immediately, think about why you feel so strongly about it. Is it because the man is better looking than you? Is it because you think she may suddenly fall into bed with him one night after too many drinks? Is it because you suspect she might already have done so and you don’t want this man hanging around her because you see him as an ex lover who might still have designs on her?
Whatever your insecurities might be concerning this friendship, the point is, it is her friendship, not yours; hers to keep and hers to dispose of as she wishes. Basically, this is none of your business. If this friend is making you feel unwelcome by being obnoxious to you or rude in some way or trying to ‘sideline’ you whenever you are out socially with him, that is a different matter and something you should address both with your girlfriend and possibly with him directly. However, if this guy is perfectly cordial and friendly in every way and you are just being paranoid about his presence, you have a problem of your own to address.
Keeping your mouth shut
Raising the subject with your girlfriend might not always be a good idea. For a start, she might have never looked at the man with any other attitude other than that of a friend. To draw her attention to the man’s obvious attributes might also call up interest she had previously not been aware of. Accepting his role as a friend might be infinitely more advisable than setting him up as a rival for her affections.
Getting to know the friend
Get to know the man properly. You might find he is a really nice guy with plenty of things in common with you. If he does, spend some time with him and try to find out exactly how he feels about your girlfriend, He might feel some sense of protection toward her and once he understands that you are not out to hurt her, he might turn his attention elsewhere and stop spending so much time with both of you. If that is the case, you should feel some respect for him as your girlfriend’s friend and stop suspecting him of wanting her friendship for some ulterior reason.
The last resort…
If you really cannot tolerate your girlfriend having a man as a best friend, you need to end the relationship because the strain of having to constantly put on a façade will takes its toll on your romance and ruin everything. Talk to her about it first, but don’t make her choose between the two of you. If you care for her enough, you’ll want her to be happy. Don’t force her to give up him just to be with you. Back down and see if she follows.
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