Hi, could you please email me back any advice you have?
When I was younger, I was sexually abused by my brother, he told me it was all normal, everyone did it, and when I was 10, he forced himself on me, I didn't like it and I walked out halfway, and then I learned at school what had really gone on, since it happened, I am so scared of boys, I just don't know what too do, I was 15 when i finally got the courage to kiss a boy, and I'm 18 now, and even the very mention of the word sex in casual passing makes me freeze up, all my girlfriends have had sex, they tell me about it, and it freaks me out, I hate being like this, I have a wonderful boyfriend, who's willing to wait for me, but I'd like to take our relationship further, but even thinking about it scares me so badly, I don't want to be stuck like this for the rest of my life, I'm so scared it's hard to calm myself down if my friends get onto the subject of sex, many start asking me how far I've gone, and when I say, they press for why, and I start to freak out, all my boyfriend's friends have had sex, and I worry that they're taunting him over it, is there anything I can do? I hate being like this and I just want a normal happy relationship.
5 Replies
Ddlg58 / Woman / Likes Men / Single
You need to seek counseling asap honey no amout of internet advice is going to help you.
Jamie / Woman / Likes Men / Single
I've thought about it alot, but I'm way too scared to go talk to someone, my parents have forgotten it ever happened, aswell as my brother, and i get told off if i bring it up, as i ruined their image of their perfect grammar school son! I used to go to councilling in school and it really helped, and it gave me more confidence with boys, but the lady i used to see left my school, and i lost her number, and she left connexions, and no one knows where she works, I don't know anyone i can trust except her, and i don't want to talk to some stranger about it, I've tried to find her, but we can't
AskMyGF / 22 / Woman / Likes Men / Single
This is something that you have to get over if you ever want to have a normal relationship. Sex abuse is a serious matter and one that takes a long time to move on from. Talk to a therapist to see how you can best get those fears out of your head.
***I replaced my video because the sound was messed up. The advice is the same :)
Dan / Woman / Likes Men / Single
It seems that anytime you're about to get spicy you immediately - and understandably - get thoughts of what happened to you in the past. Every time sex is mentioned this is what you think of, and until you have other experiences I believe this is what you'll always revert to. I'm not saying you should be a slut...you say you have a nice boyfriend, so I suggest you try to get more intimate. This way when you associate sex with boys, you don't think about your past as much.
You shouldn't feel like you need to rush into sex though. It's natural to feel pressure from friends, but you're only 18 - take your time. Regardless of what has happened to you in your life, being a virgin at 18 is not unreasonable, nor is it uncommon.
I'm not a therapist nor will I pretend to be...you should do some research and find one who you think you can be comfortable around, because unfortunately this problem will likely linger until it is met head-on.
I know this is something you don't want to hear, but I think you need to address this with your brother. Honestly, he needs therapy even more than you do. I'm sure he's not proud of his actions...he also very well may still have these habits.
Jamie / Woman / Likes Men / Single
Thankyou so much for your help everyone, I guess your right, I do need to see someone, and too Heaven, masturbating and vibrators and all that what not are quite big 'turn offs' for me, wouldn't ever want to try them, but the rest of your advice is really helpful, I've talked to my friends, but they usually don't know what too say and just nod and go aww lots, so they're not the best help though they try to be, I'm thinking of trying to find my old psychiatrist again, it'll porbably need alot of tracking down to be done, and yes, the very mention of the word just floods my head with my past, it slowly gets easier, but, it is so hard to see past it and too see what fun and enjoyment it can bring to a relationship, I love my boyfriend, and he can turn me on, but he's never pushed me or pressured me, which is why he is so great, but I do what to do more, so I'm going to try everything I can and just take it slowly, I just wish i could click my fingers and my fear just goes,My parents and brother and I had adressed the issue when i finally told them two years after it happened, but since then they've ignored it and won't hear a word against my brother, and my brother just acts like a brother, I think they would just rather pretend it never happened, as would I, but sadly, the mental scars wont fade away and i can't forget
Add your reply to Jamie