Hello, Heaven! Thank you for taking my question. I have one for you that I have struggled with my whole life. I sure hope you can help. You always do.
Though I am a man of 52, I seem to have a "mental hang-up" that I am only interested in dating and being with women 20 to 30 years younger than myself. I know you may initially think this is pure ego but I truly don't think so. It just seems that this is what satisfies me, energizes me, turns me on, and makes me happy. But a sex counselor told me it is unworkable and totally unrealistic. What do you think, Heaven?
Maybe I am sexually stupid and certainly naive. Call me an eternal optimist and a hopeless romantic. Maybe I still believe in finding true love and am just a dreamer who hasn't awakened yet. But honest to God, I am for real here. I have NEVER felt that being in love has anything to do with age. What is "too old" or "too young" when you really love a person? Age difference can matter if you let it. But if you don't make it an issue, it doesn't have to be. Or am I really naive here?
The truth is, I have ALWAYS dated girls 20 to 30 years younger than myself. I enjoy it and am very comfortable with it. Every single relationship I can recall that I consider worthwhile was with a much younger woman. That's where I have had my greatest successes in the past.
But is it "wrong" to find younger women attractive and desirable? Anyone reading this might conclude that I am a pervert, a cradle robber, or a crazy fool who "hits" on young girlsl. But I honestly don't intend to come off that way at all. First of all, I do NOT "chase after" women. I would never set foot in a bar. Rather, I prefer to quietly cultivate meaningful relationships with interesting women. One on one.
A little history. I went back to university at age 30 to earn a third degree. Most of the available women on campus were 10 to 12 years younger than I. So dating these girls seemed natural enough to me. On a college campus, everyone is in a "same boat" microcosm environment and age seems irrelevant. Later, in my 40's, I tutored English at a local community college. There was no policy against dating your students. Some colleagues found it questionable and even unprofessional. But if I felt that spark of chemistry with a girl and we really "clicked," I saw no reason why we couldn't enjoy each other's company after hours. All we did was go to dinner and talk. Heaven, I assure you I am a very respectable gentleman. I had some awesomely WONDERFUL relationships with girls 20-30 years younger than I--especially 30 years younger! Fond, cherished memories! I found that I truly enjoy and appreciate intelligent, mature, educated women in their early 20's especially. They energized and stimulated me.
But society takes a dim view. Cradle robber, skirt chaser, pervert, womanizer. Why do they all make me feel guilty? Is it jealousy? Every time I date a younger girl, my mother's first question is "How old is she?" When I say 22 or 23, it's always "She's too young for you!" My last relationship was with Sarah, a beautiful 23-year-old journalist. I was 48. We were very compatible and so happy together!--but her friends gave her trouble and pressured her out of the relationship. Other people seem to have more problems with this than I do.
Heaven, I am well aware of the "reality" here. Immaturity and indecisiveness can be a problem with a younger date. (Hell, I was raised as such a prude that EVERY girl has far more sex experience than I do! They seem to like the challenge of maybe "breaking in" the virgin!) Many young girls don't know what they really want yet and can be little mind-game players or heartbreakers. Such is the penalty for dating younger women. Maybe it really IS unrealistic.
At 52, my options are dwindling rapidly. My chances with younger girls are getting fewer and fewer. But I just can't accept older women--too much baggage. I am tired of being compared to former lovers and ex-husbands and coming up short. But I gotta be careful too with the younger ladies. At my age, I could easily offend them if I show any interest. A lot of young girls don't want an older guy. But many who are tired of "young jerks" can appreciate my intellect and maturity.
Please help me, Heaven. Is it time to "wake up and smell the coffee"? Or can I still hope to find a young woman who will truly make me happy? What would you say to me-? Enjoy whom you like and go for it? Or would you say grow up? I love this dream, Heaven--and I want to keep it.
I always enjoy your words of wisdom, Heaven. You are the very best. Thank you for your kind response! There is NO ONE I trust with this more than you!
LOVE,
Triple G
2 Replies
Andy / 27 / Man / Likes Women / Just looking
Nothing wrong with dating an allot-younger women. My mother was 20 years younger than my dad when they married, and they too got comments but stuck with it. However what you say about dwindling options at 52 is probably true, after all; are you really gonna be dating 20-somethings when your in your 60's? Or even 30-somethings? You seem like a nice, charming guy, so your two options are either to enjoy sharing the company of younger women, for however long that lasts, in semi-platonic/platonic relationships or snag one and keep her by marrying her fairly soon. Otherwise your only socialising options may be those baggage-carrying older ladies.
I can certainly appreciate what you say about the fickle, prick-tease nature of allot of younger women though, I have certainly had my (perhaps more than) fair share of THAT. But the older ones never give me any kind of chance, so I really have no idea about what they're like.
AskMyGF / 22 / Woman / Likes Men / Single
I'm going to mean this all as sincerely and politely as possible, so please, bare with me.
For one, you asked if there was anything wrong with being attracted to younger women. To that I say of course not. Our bodies are firm, fit, ready for the taking. On YouTube, about half my viewers are age 45-54...male of course. You're far from the only guy thinking like this.
*However*, you must be realistic about some things. You haven't had a fully successful relationship with any woman you have been with yet. You wouldn't be asking questions if you had. You say some of the better relationships have been with younger women, but still...you don't have one now. Why? Because us 20 somethings suck in mature relationships. We lack the commitment abilities older women have, not to mention our lacking mental development. If you want someone for the long haul, you need someone closer to your age.
You mentioned older women having baggage. Younger ones have it too. Older women also won't be looking kids and nights out on the town like the young ones will. They'll also be better in bed (as much as I hate to admit that...). If I were you, I'd date a hot "mature" woman over a young one that you basically want because of her body.
Yes, young women do have energy. We can be fun, revitalizing, down right inspiring. We can also be whiny, bitchy, moody, clingy, etc. We're not everything we're cracked up to be.
To quote you..."I have NEVER felt that being in love has anything to do with age." If that's true, then the 30 year age gap should not dictate your decisions. You're being hypocritical, wanting women because they fit a certain age group and then saying age doesn't matter. It does to you, but only if it works in your favor...
You're not "too old" for young love. What you are at the moment is too closed minded. You have it set in your head that you can ONLY be happy with a younger woman. That's not the case. If love truly knows no numbers, you should be able to love and be loved by anyone at any age. For now, I recommend that you at least try seeing the beauty of all generations and wait for the right person to come around. If she's 22, so be it. If she's...dare I say...52, so be it. Just be aware that your thoughts right now are slightly misconstrued.
Again, I mean no offense by this. Just giving you my honest "advice". Take care GGG.
PS: People have a problem with age differences because they don't fit the "norm". You can't take that to heart. I wasn't normal because I got married at 18. People didn't like that. Fuck them. You can take the same attitude towards members of your surrounding society :)
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