My wife & I have been married for almost 2 years but have been together for almost 4 years. Our relationship started out great. We laughed, had fun, went out & had incredible sex all the time. It took me awhile to warm her up to giving me head since I'm larger than most of her previous bf's but once she got over it, she did an excellent job and it was one of the best relationships I've had. Starting out of course.
Skipping ahead less than a year, she got a job offer with her mothers property management firm so we moved into her mothers basement until we got on our feet. During that time, her grandmother who raised her became very ill and eventually passed away. I was by her side for every minute of it and helped her through it. The loss of her mother/grandmother was devastating to her & our sex life became almost nonexistent afterward but I was understanding to a point.
Our sex life went from sometimes twice a day before we moved to lucky if twice a month. She let me get her in the mood with my tongue which I love doing anyway and then we could have sex so I didn't make her too sore. I had no problems with that at all.
I was understanding for almost a year before her and her mother began looking into buying a house together. Since her mother and her fight all the time, I couldn't handle living with them together any longer. I tried to convince her to get an apartment with me instead. Since she didn't go for it I secretly made plans to move out. Keep in mind I didn't really know anyone within 300 miles of where I was at and didn't have the income to just up and move without notice & everything that I owned was either in the basement or her mom's garage.
This may sound terrible but my parents and uncle showed up one weekend and I basically said surprise, I'm leaving you after over a year & a half with her. Of course she begged and pleaded and I told her my reasoning behind my decision so her thought was that if she provided me with sex again I'd take her back. Me being a stupid male, fell for it and eventually asked her to marry me after 6 months
To make a long story short, she promised me everything with our intimate life would get better & well, it's been even worse if you can believe it. If I even bring up sex now I get the "is that all you think about" or the "all I'm good for is my tits & ass" bit. So I'm not allowed to talk about it, bring it up or even check out her body without her coming across and disgusted with me. If we have sex, I can't play with her tits, pushes me away if I try to go down on her and if she goes down on me, she gives up halfway through and won't help finish me off. We haven't tried another position besides missionary position for over a year.
We now have a daughter so even more complications with our sex life are present. I'm doing whatever I can to tell her that I'm willing to let her guide me into whatever she is comfortable with and let me know when she's ready again but I seriously can't wait forever. She's even had a few girls night out while I stay home taking care of our daughter and I don't go anywhere except work & home.
All of these frustrations have led me to smoking again and hiding it cause she won't have sex with me if I smell like smoke, drinking beer a lot more than I care to, looking at porn all the time again and frequent masturbation whenever I can.
I really want to give up all over again but I really do love my wife and I especially love having my daughter to see every day. My wife is so stressed out about work and everything else but me bringing up sex as a stress relief option and endorphins & etc. just makes her more upset. Not sure if it makes too much of a difference but she did have separation anxiety after returning to work and she now takes anti-depressants but her libido was almost non-existent prior to the pills.
I'm really open to any suggestions or anything else you can recommend to help me keep my marriage and my sanity. I think a lot of women would kill for a guy like me that loves to cook, clean and is willing to watch the baby and change diapers. My wife really doesn't have to lift a finger around here other than watching the baby alone while I'm at work. I'll end the book here but any advice would be great. I'm overly exhausted and bitter towards her almost because of what I've been through with her.
1 Reply
AskMyGF / 22 / Woman / Likes Men / Single
Quite frankly, it sounds like you deserve better. As a married woman who has seen her fair share of divorces in her family, I'm more than supportive of someone trying to work things out. The grim reality is that you have *tried* to work things out, but you aren't getting any help on the other end. That's no way to conduct a relationship.
I have a feeling that this is far from the only problem in your relationship. Based on "the book" you wrote above, she probably takes you for granted in just about every sense of the phrase. I'll assume she is demanding, manipulative, and convinced that she is right in every argument...correct? Let's run with that idea of her...
It sounds to me like you are now sticking around for the child, not necessarily for the relationship. You say you love your wife, but perhaps what you love is your child's mother or the person you used to know to be your wife. This woman is someone else - someone you are not compatible with and would likely not have married in the first place had you known this is what your life would have been.
Most of the time I would suggest a shock test in this situation, a threat of leaving her that may cause her to see the severity of the situation. You have already done that though and it resulted in maybe a day of happiness followed by a slew of regret. You don't deserve that.
If I were you, I would probably cut the cord. As I said before, I am all for working things out. However, you have already done more than enough to give her a chance to get better. She hasn't changed, and she likely never will. You may just have to accept her as the mother of your child now and try to be cordially distant as a result.
I know this is tough. My mother has been married 5 times and my father has been married 4. I've witness countless fights, divorces, tears, and regrets. I try not to bring any of those into my own marriage, but they slip in from time to time. It's best to end things as quickly as possible to minimize your child's memories of the fighting. They haunt me all the time, and they will affect her too. you also need to get things done quickly so you can each move on with your lives. This will be very very difficult, but it will happen in time. Hearts will mend. Wounds will close. And your child's mother may even start turning into the woman you married again.
I wish you all the best, and please let me know if there is anything else we can do to help you. Take care.
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