My best guy friend is in love with this guy who clearly is not gay. I love him too, but don't know how to tell my friend. We hooked up the other night at a bar and I know my guy friend would be devastated because I am the one he confides in about how much he likes him. I've tried to tell him he is not gay, but he does not want to hear it. Should I tell him we hooked up? Or will that ruin our friendship?
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Dan / Woman / Likes Men / Single
Here's the thing: You hooked up with this guy already - and if this is your "best guy friend" as you state it is - he's gonna find out eventually. Would you rather he finds out through the grapevine, or through his best friend?
Considering you've been keeping this a secret, I'm assuming your friend is pretty sensitive. You need to calmly explain to your friend that this guy is not gay, and you two hooked up. He will be pissed at first, but tell him you felt that you owe it to him as your friend. Tell him that if you thought this dude had a shred of gayness in him, you wouldn't have done it. But you were at a bar, you had some drinks, and things happened.
Honestly, I don't know if it will ruin your friendship or not. Some people are ultra sensitive with this stuff, and it's quite possible he'll hold a grudge. He also might be upset for a week, then get over it, or he might not be upset at all. What I do know is that he'll freak out if someone else but you tells him. At the end of it all, when things die down, I think he'll appreciate that you told him face-to-face like a true friend.
By the way, do you really "love" this guy too? Be careful with that word.
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