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How do you untangle work and pleasure?
Question Asked by Onthejob22 about 1 year ago - [ Ask a Question ]
A few months ago I got a new job and was insanely attracted to my boss. We got along great, a little too great, and now we're sleeping together. On top of this not only is he cheating on his wife, but I was just recently married only a year ago. I love my husband to death, but the sex just is not the same. I don't know if it's because it's wrong that the sex is so wild or that some people just have better chemistry together. I know I can't tell my husband, but what should I do? How should I stop this mess I made and continue to work at the same place?
Answer
I think it would be accurate to say that you might have gotten married a little too soon... or slept with your boss a little too late in the game. In any case, this is a complicated situation that will require you to make sacrifices. While you have excellent chemistry with your boss, you have to ask yourself if it's chemistry alone or something more. You will also have to ask the same question about your husband, only this time it's the other way around - can love alone save this marriage or does the sex make it suffer? In any case, it would be much easier for you to cut ties with your boss before your husband. If it's the sex alone that keeps your boss coming back for more, then realize that it's the sex, and not your boss, that you're after. The next time you see him, sit down with him and make it clear that for the sake of your future at the company and for the future of your marriage that you can no longer see him. Unless you can't stand to look at him, make sure he understands that there are no hard feelings and that the both of you NEED to remain platonic in the workplace. The both of you have to make an agreement not to let your past further complicate things in the office. While I don't have too much faith in him, the fact that he's married himself should make him sympathetic to your situation. If he doesn't want to end the sexual relationship, or if he acts out in any way that could make your workplace unbearable, then you need to look for another job. As for salvaging the relationship your marriage, take time to figure out what exactly killed it for you in the bedroom. Incorporate the thrills of your casual affair with your boss into the marriage. Open up about your desires and experiment in ways that excite you. The sex life between you and your husband will not improve just by cutting the boss loose. It takes time, patience, and exploration. Seek out a counselor or a professional if you need to. Then, see where time takes you. If you feel as though you've never shared that sort of chemistry with your husband, then you deserve to find someone who can not only provide you with a healthy relationship (Because your boss sure can't) but can captivate you as well. Your husband also deserves to find someone who feels that spark and desires him as much as you seemed to desire your boss. Try and work it out with the husband and, if nothing improves, you may need to separate and find what you're really looking for.
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Comments
by Mae about 1 year ago
stop screwing ur boss n get urself a new job. its like an addiction, u need to cut it off
by Johnson69 about 1 year ago
Mixing work and relationships has never ended on a good note for me. I recommend finding a new job and ending it. Things will never be the same in the office. Never mix it. It cause problems from my experiences.
by SGP about 1 year ago
I agree, end it sooner than later! Someone is bound to get hurt, one of the three of you...think about it or get a new job.
by honestguy about 1 year ago
quit being stupid and spreading your snatch when you're married. Well I guess you wont be married soon enough so you can continue ruining other peoples lives as you please.
by Doc about 1 year ago
Enjoy it as long as you can. Great chemistry is hard to find. You have to be willing to accept that both of you may lose your spouses. However, it sounds like neither spousal relationship is very strong. I hope there are no kids.
by Dex about 1 year ago
You could stop the situation and be honest with all persons involved.
The first step to this I believe should be honesty with yourself. There is nothing wrong with chemistry, enjoying the pleasures of companionship. Please be aware that sexual prudery is deeply ingrained within the American way of life and possessiveness tends to be a major factor in such so buyer beware. But it is wrong to follow impulse without the maturity of communication and truth with yourself and those around you.
The second step is to share your thoughts and apologies with the people involved:
1. To the person with whom you share your indiscretion, be honest with the firm intent that both parties should be adults in this and end the affair. Hopefully if both people are indeed mature adults a friendship can remain and in some cases blossom.
2. To the Husband/Wife, with the utmost care and urgency in realizing how this situation began. Depending on your companion allow the process of anger or blow-up to ensue and be prepared to be under attack.
(((Note if you are under attack physically: Male = take beating but protect eyes and testicles however if she comes at you with a bat, blade, or worse self-preservation rules apply/ Female = You have bigger problems than your indiscretion. Do not read past this warning and DO NOT speak of your indiscretion or this **post** to him...EVER! Then when he is sleeping, out, etc. pack your things and disappear. He does not love you, he loves hurting you. It is not your responsibility to fix something or someone that is broken or refuses proper aid to be repaired.))))
**If you should desire this man to disappear from the face of this Earth please e-mail me at dexamir@yahoo.com. Arrangements can be made to tailor any situation.**
Do not become defensive when you hear the truth. Yet we humans are insufficient at communication with one another, keep on point of the problem at hand do not let past mistakes cloud the conversation. All other problems are just not needed to add to the situation. Keep in mind that you made this bed now you must find peace in it. It's about empathy, compassion and expression now, if you have the skill calm him/her down and talk with them honestly. Emotions are good that means there is passion left and something is there.
3. Some relationships are meant to end. We learn what we learn from everyone in our lives. It is a sad fact that most people in this world enter marriage under so many complicated reasons. From arranged marriage to situational to "illusionist" love most of us do not grasp the concept of marriage. Decide which is yours and what you are willing to do and accept staying or moving on.
I hope this helps. Remember no matter what you believe we only know one thing for sure, we are born and we die. This life is a gift, enjoy it while it lasts, and act as if there is something more beyond. treat each other with respect and love, learn to communicate and accept each other and the horrors and joys that we all face everyday. Maybe, just maybe Star Trek will become something to look forward to in reality.
-Dexterous
by Rick about 1 year ago
Fugedabowdit! The crude but savvy advice I feel I need to pass along is this, "Don't s**t where you eat and don't f**k where you work." There's just no way around it. It's hot right now because it's taboo (sex works like that) but eventually one of you is gonna get bored or caught and then what? Sorry, lady, but if I were you I'd start looking for a new job pronto.
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by Daniel about 1 year ago
Find a new job and talk to your husband about the lack of heat in the bedroom.