Hi,
I am 22 years old...in my third trimester of pregnancy...but super healthy..and still attractive...although my husband doesn't seem very interested in me. He has never been an EXTREMELY horny guy but I think he is bored of having sex with me because he rarely tries. I am ALWAYS in the mood but I need to learn to open up and show him in a sexy way. My ex boyfriend used to make fun of me and I have been mistreated by guys in the past so I think that is why I "play it safe" all the time when it comes to making the first move, talking dirty and just letting go of any insecurities. When I want sex, I never say it...I just start cuddling him and rubbing him and it seems pretty obvious to me but he never seems to get the point. And never mind that me doesn't pick up on my little clues...he doesn't try to seduce me himself!!! What could be going on...he is not gay...I am attractive and he is not worried about me being pregnant (the Doctors have told us it is okay)???
5 Replies
Dan / Woman / Likes Men / Single
This is your husband you're talking about. Why shouldn't you be straight forward with him and tell him what you want? Communication is essential to any relationship, and this is a person you plan on spending the rest of your life with. Since he doesn't pick up on your body language, I think it's time to have a conversation with him about it. Just be honest. Like I said, he's your husband - if you can't be honest with him then you shouldn't be married.
Don't let your marriage fall into the "No Sex Abyss," because once that happens, it's almost impossible to climb out of.
Blooming / Woman / Likes Men / Single
Thanks for the advice. You brought up the other problem in our relationship. Communication. He doesn't like to talk about anything stressful so I tend to avoid it. Usually he takes things the wrong way and gets angry and stressed whenever I bring up serious stuff. I came from a HUGE open family with lots of girls and LOTS of communication and he came from a small closed family, divoriced parents and no sisters. He just doesn't get girls.
Anyways, I just emailed him and made it as clear as possible that I am not blaming it on him because I know that will be his response. "Something I'm doing wrong again..blah blah blah"
I find it is better to emal him because then I can make sure I don't say it the wrong way and then he has time to think about it before he takes offence.
What do you think of that?
Dan / Woman / Likes Men / Single
I think that you shouldn't have to be this careful with your husband. Email is what you use with your boss or boyfriend, not your spouse. When you come across another problem in the future, are you always going to email him?
You need to talk to him face to face. Think about it beforehand, then explain why you feel the way you do. If this makes you uncomfortable, then by all means convey your thoughts through email. But you shouldn't have to. You two are in this for the long haul, and a poor sex life mixed with lack of communication is not something you want your marriage to turn into, especially this early.
Considering the information you gave me about his childhood, it does seem like he would be overly defensive to anything that he may perceive as "being attacked." Just make sure you talk slowly and keep a gentle tone - reiterate how much you love him and how happy you are with him, but this is a little speed bump that needs to be addressed. You're about to have a baby with this man; don't be shy. He needs to know exactly how you're feeling and you need to know exactly how he's feeling.
Blooming / Woman / Likes Men / Single
Thanks for the honest advice. The e-mail worked well and he was very understanding!!! :) He didn't realize I wanted it and we're going to make more of an effort. I think that because he is so busy with work and we are so busy getting ready for baby and soon WITH baby, we might need to schedule in some sexy nights. It's definitely NOT spontaneous but atleast we can look forward to our little date nights and anything else is extra! :)
Dan / Woman / Likes Men / Single
You're very welcome. Good luck and I hope everything works out. And once you have your baby, you can finally break out some wine and let spontaneity take its course, hehe. If anything else comes up, you know where to ask.
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