How To Date Someone in a Wheelchair

It’s important to keep in mind that while the person might be disabled, he or she is not necessarily of infirm mind; that is, a physical disability does not automatically mean the person has a mental disability.  To assume as much will be to the relationship’s detriment and will invariably result in the person being hurt and/or offended.

Be polite and offer help

Do not automatically rush to assist your date.  It’s polite to ask if the person would like assistance, but you shouldn’t automatically assume that he needs a push up the ramp or that she wouldn’t want to refill her own soft drink at the dispenser.

The sexual part of dating someone in a wheelchair

You should be aware that being in a wheelchair does not preclude the person’s ability or desire to have sexual intercourse.  If your relationship seems to be going in that direction and you’re comfortable with it progressing to that point, ask your significant other if it’s a possibility.  If it is, ask what special considerations, limitations and logistics might be involved.

Be okay with some attention

Realize that people are going to be curious about your relationship.  Your partner has likely dealt with people staring or stealing glances at him or her the entire time he or she has been wheelchair bound.  If you are uncomfortable with the attention, it could be offensive or hurtful to the person; after all it’s almost certain that your partner thought that your interest was in the person on the inside and not simply the physical body bound to the chair.

Prepare for wheelchair accessibility

If you are responsible for making arrangements for a date, it’s thoughtful to ensure beforehand that the places you’ll go we’ll be wheelchair accessible.  This includes having handicap parking and restrooms that are wheelchair accessible.  Similarly, you’ll want to make sure that you can meet the person’s transportation needs.

First date awkward moments

Don’t freak out if there are awkward moments on your first date.  Chances are that that’s because it’s a first date, not because your date is in a wheelchair.  Also, know that it’s okay to laugh.  People who are wheelchair bound often make jokes about their disability in an attempt to help others feel more at ease.  However, if this makes you even more uncomfortable, you may not be a good match.  The fact is that your date is different, and it’s a difference that’s undeniable.  If you’re not comfortable acknowledging or talking about that difference when the other person makes it clear that it’s okay to do so, you risk making things even more awkward.  That said, don’t continually draw attention to the chair.  Remember that the wheelchair is simply a tool that allows the person to do things he or she otherwise wouldn’t be able to do, just as glasses help a person with poor vision to see.

Finally, don’t feel like you’ve made a major faux pas if you say something like, “Let’s run by and see what’s playing at the movies.” The person in the wheelchair knows that you’re using a common phrase and not trying to draw attention to his or her disability.

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