i am in love with my best friend, she is everything i am not, but she has a boyfriend and i dunno even if i had a shot. i am so afraid to ask if there could ever be more because i do not want to lose her as my friend. but i can't keep lieing to her saying i am happy with just being friends when my heart yerns for more. what should i do or what should i say please help me
6 Replies
Exokisa / Woman / Likes Men / Single
First, you need to decide whether the possibility of having a romantic relationship with her is worth the price of your friendship. Notice I said the possibility. That's because there is no guarantee that after you tell her how you feel, she is going to reciprocate those feelings. It doesn't help that she's already seeing someone. If you tell her how you feel, there is a good chance that it will forever change things between the two of you. If she chooses to stay with her boyfriend, she'll start to feel self conscious being out with him when you're around. In the back of her mind, she'll wonder if you're checking her out. She might make it her duty to find you another girl to obsess over. If you're sure about your feelings, I don't think it's healthy to keep these feelings locked up inside. Worse case scenario, you'll be able to move on.
Damp_donna / Woman / Likes Men / Single
So, it doesn't sound to me like you are able to be just friends with her any longer. It's eating you up inside! That's not good. You have to go for what you want! Tell her how you feel, take the plunge.....If it backfires, and she doesn't want to be with you that way, then at least you know that you went for it and you will have no regrets.... You will know the truth and sometimes, even though the truth may hurt, it is the best thing in the long run and it DOES set you free....free from regret and frustration with yourself for not seizing an opportunity! Now, the flipside could also happen, where she admits that she also has feelings for you and the two of you can give it a try! But, whatever happens, you'll be happier knowing that you were honest and had the guts to tell your friend how you feel and that is always the best thing to do!!! Good luck...
Xtinacicchelli / Woman / Likes Men / Single
While this may not be the best time because she has a boyfriend, there will be no other better time than now. What I suggest is writing out exactly how you feel on a letter before speaking to her. Indulge in all of those emotions you had to repress in order to maintain her happiness. Be explicit about what you expect once you tell her how you feel. What do you want her to do? Now, after you've written this, you can either 1) Burn the letter or 2) Put it somewhere so you can read it later. Then, go and fill your time with positive activities and people. Reconnect with friends. Go to events that interest you. Give yourself space to separate from this emotional conflict you have for you friend. Then, eventually, tell your friend how you feel. I say this because sometimes we romanticize the idea of being in love with someone we can't have. We feel this need to tell this person before it's too late, and we hang our hopes on this and expect things not to change, when, in fact, they do whether you want them to or not. The last thing you want to feel is the pain of her rejecting your answer and then needing to distance herself from you in order to avoid tension or discomfort. So, give yourself a moment to dive back into being surrounded by other people that you can develop friendships with, take up some hobbies, do things you love. Then, talk to her about how you feel. It may end up sounding much different than what you've written. Keep in mind that these feelings now are not forever, heck, her relationship may not last forever, but if you want to maintain the friendship, then be honest with her in a way that doesn't make her feel like she needs to choose sides, but instead understands and recognizes the depth of your respect and loyalty to her. Then, you may need to give her space after that. Again, remember, these feelings do not last forever, and in order to move in a positive direction, distance might be necessary to settle everyone's feelings and welcome reflection.
Damp_donna / Woman / Likes Men / Single
And I forgot to add, don't just tell her that you're in love with her....show her!!! Take her passionately, kiss her, and have a rockin night of sexual passion with her! That always helps to lure the woman you love....just make sure you rock her world in the sack! ;o) Again, good luck!
Yunganconfused / Woman / Likes Men / Single
ok i have had this same exact problem im a guy and my best frind is a girl and i thot i was in love wit her but trust me tell her the truth. i told her the truth and she also liked me so as soon as her and her bf broke up we tried goin out and well it didnt work out cuz its just different goin out with someone ur really good frins wit so tell her she is ur best friend and trust me she will understand
Brent / Woman / Likes Men / Single
Give it to her while her bf isn't looking
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