My girlfriend has recently put on a few pounds. I am not trying to be mean at all either but she really gained some seriously noticeable weight in the last three months and the sex is getting worse due to gain. How do I approach her in a nice way and tell her how I really feel without hurting her feelings? The sex was great before the weight gain and I'd ,like it to be great again one day soon! Please help me!
2 Replies
Dan / Woman / Likes Men / Single
Let me ask you this: If you don't say anything to her, is the issue going to go away?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say, "probably not." You have to talk to her about it. Just be really, really, really careful about how you say it. I can't stress the word careful enough. This is the most sensitive topic you can address with a woman, and if you don't use tact, she will freak out.
I'm sure she's noticed that she's gained weight - maybe she feels comfortable with it because she has a boyfriend; maybe it's a health issue; maybe she doesn't think it's a problem - there are so many possible reasons that you can't go and assume.
I have a question for you: Are you fat? Are you out of shape? Because if you are, you don't have much of a right to tell her what to do with her body. If that is the case, you two could get a gym membership together - good way to kill two birds with one stone: Spend time together and lose weight.
If you are in shape, explain to her how you stay in good shape for her, and that it is something you expect her to reciprocate. Tell her how great of a person she is and how much you care about her, but that this has been a lingering issue in your head for a couple of weeks now.
This is not going to be a short conversation. Maybe it is, because she might just tell you to go fuck yourself. Either way, you have to tell her.
After you have this conversation, try to pay attention to her diet. Make sure she's still eating well. You don't want her to get an eating disorder or start living an unhealthy lifestyle in order to please you. There are right ways to lose weight and stay healthy, so if she acknowledges that she needs to lose weight, make sure it's done the right way.
Good luck.
Zennsketch / Woman / Likes Men / Single
I disagree with the answer given. If it's a health issue, sure...approach the subject by telling her that you're concerned about her health.
But stating this: "If you are in shape, explain to her how you stay in good shape for her, and that it is something you expect her to reciprocate."
That..is a real sure way to get slapped in the teeth. You should NEVER stay in good shape for anyone but YOURSELF. Telling someone you supposedly love that you expect them to look a specific way for your own benefit ...well that's just being selfish and superficial.
Also, let's face facts here. Being healthy is one thing, but if you expect anyone, yourself included, to weigh and look the same you do today as you will in 20 years etc...you're just stupid.
There are some questions you need to ask here aside from the weight.
How long have you two been a couple?
Does she have health issues?
Does she have children?
How old are you? her?
Does she work? How often?
Do you live together?
And I'd also like to point out, unless she's gained hundreds of pounds, the sex should NOT be getting worse. I am an overweight girl and let me tell you, I have an amazing sex life with my man. If the sex is getting 'worse', there HAS to be more to it than simply 'she's putting on some weight'.
-Zennsketch
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